Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

f i f t e e n

He's so hot, so handsome... And he's my boyfriend.

I've always found him attractive, but after all that has happened between us, I must admit I'm feeling strongly attracted to him, and it's making me want him in ways I never thought I would.

It could be the alcohol... Or maybe his own charms. Should I just allow myself to feel this way?

"I see you staring, huh?" Suri whispers in my ear, startling me. I turn my face and look at her confused.

"What?"

She chuckles.

"You're drooling. I never thought you would look at someone who isn't Soobin that way."

Soobin...

I shrug.

"Neither did I." I admit, diverting my gaze to look at him again, but this time he notices and smirks at me, sending chills down my spine. "But he's really attractive, and... I don't know if I should feel this way." I confess, looking back at her.

She frowns.

"What? Feeling attracted to him? Why shouldn't you?"

"You know... Because of my feelings for Soobin and stuff..."

She rolls her eyes.

"Okay listen, you decided to leave Soobin behind and move on. This is your boyfriend now, we are not talking about a one night stand... There's absolutely nothing wrong with you feeling attracted to the guy you're dating, dumbo."

"I mean, yeah... But... If it's not love..."

"Do you think all couples feel love when they start dating? Nah sweetie, it all starts with chemistry and sexual, physical attraction. Love comes after, when you start sharing your life with each other, when you go through the ups and downs... It's not that easy. What you feel about Soobin is kind of different cause it's been one-sided and platonic for a long time, but even when you haven't been a couple, you've shared things together and you never really saw him as just a friend anyways."

I process her words in my head, spacing out momentarily as I find my eyes glued to him all over again. Maybe she's right and I shouldn't pressure myself this much... Maybe I should enjoy and just let things flow and bloom between us.

"Yeah... Maybe you're right." I mutter, watching him as he stares at me with a dark gaze. I take another sip of my drink, flirting with him using nothing but our eyes.

"Stop holding back, y/n. He's hot, he's yours and I'm sure you're both thinking the same right now. That guy is crazy about you."

I quickly look at her, and she winks at me. I feel my cheeks burning, probably tinted in red.

I don't respond, but she pushes me slightly towards him. I turn my head and send a death glare in her direction, but Jihoon approaches me soon enough to stop myself from smacking her face.

"You okay?" He asks with a gentle smile on his face. I smile back at him, nodding.

"Yes, you?"

He nods, leaning forward to brush his lips against my ear.

"But if you keep staring at me so rudely I won't be, because you're driving me insane."

My eyes widen at his flirty words, coming out of his mouth so suddenly and making me shiver from my head to my toes. I gulp, feeling undescribably excited by his dark aura, so I end up smirking and biting my lip.

Fucking alcohol.

"Can we go inside?"

He cocks an eyebrow at my question filled with double intentions.