Dear diary: How do I heal his broken heart?; Choi Soobin

Diary's Page: 4

Dear diary... I don't think I have much to say today. My heart is aching and feels heavier than ever before. Fortunately, my hands stopped shaking a while ago, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to write. Suri has been a good support, she stayed with me the whole day, and even right now she's watching TV downstairs.

Where do I start? I suppose I should go with the good part first. I met this guy, Jihoon, he's such a sweet boy. He came to me out of the blue at lunch time, when I was alone in that big table. I knew I've had seen him before, but I didn't even know his name. He has a beautiful face and gentle eyes. His hair looks soft and he was totally shy, but still managed to gain the courage to reach out to me. I didn't understand why, though, why would someone like him, really handsome want to meet me. Turns out he was at the same party as we were last week, and somehow he wanted to meet me. That's the good part, I made a new friend, the bad part comes right after, and I could even add that Jihoon was part of it at the end as nothing but the shoulder where I had to cry.

Yes, I cried, a lot.

Soobin... He cried too. This was the first time I've seen him like that, so broken, so destroyed. I'm used to see him shining really bright, with that wide, beautiful smile of his and his cute dimples. But that smiley guy was nowhere to be seen today.

And it was all her fault.

She threw the flowers he gave her to the floor, and she even slapped him in front of everyone. I still can't seem to find a good reason for her to humiliate her boyfriend in front of the whole school. How can you do that to someone who loves you so much that swallows his pride to ask for forgiveness in front of everyone and not even care about being judged? That's exactly what happened between them. He was trying to make her content, apologizing for something so dumb like thinking that something happened between us that night in that room.

If she knew him really, that thought wouldn't even cross her mind. He loves her so much he wasn't even close to me, and he even said to me he wouldn't do something against their relationship. He's a gentleman, a true prince. But she doesn't seem to care.

I have the feeling that there's something else behind her reasons, but nothing can excuse her from the way she treated him.

His world was crashing down, and with his, mine was too.

I swear a part of me died the moment I saw those tears running down his face. The moment his bright aura transformed into a stormy, troubled, broken one. His light was gone, it was like he was surrounded by nothing but cold, dark haze.

I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him how much he really worth it. I wanted to caress his hair until he stopped feeling lonely, and I wanted to kiss the pain of his broken heart away.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

And I regret it.

Because maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, for him, for everyone. But for me, it was just what I should've done.

The sweet guy I've been dreaming of for a couple of years, the biggest reason for me to feel warmth in my chest, was suffering. The one he loved was tearing him apart.

I can't handle it.

My heart hurts.

Please hurt anyone, hurt me, destroy me.

But not Soobin. Not him and his beautiful soul.

I'm so sorry, my pretty boy. All I wanna do is stop you from being hurt.

But... How?

Oh, no... Here we go again.

Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces, my cheeks damped by just the picture in my head of you crying hopelessly. If I keep writing I'm going to mess you up, diary. I knew this would happen if I talked about it again.

I can't. I can't let this happen. I need to do something. I don't want to see your smile being gone.

Dear diary, I hope his heart is able to keep beating.

Even if it's for her.