Intimacy

Part 50

"What?"

"Look, I told him to call the cops but he showed up first before the cops and that wasn't part of the plan. I only texted him so that he will get you home safely. I didn't know it could end up like this. Valerie I'm so sorry." He said.

I hugged him, that's all I can do is going for a hug. I needed a hug from someone I love.

I felt as his warm arms hugging me back.

"That's why you didn't answer my calls or even reply to my texts because you were already at that place." I said.

He nodded, "I texted Joel before I went there and I told him to come the next day and he did but.."

"I have to go, I need some space and btw Chris I'm really glad that you're still alive." I said.

He nodded.

When I was inside the car, looking through the window. I saw Erick, Zabdiel and Richard came but they didn't see me, they just went inside the church.

......

A year later...

"Mom the uber is here. I gotta go.." I said as I called my mother.

She is super nervous for me, today is the day I transfer to Malaysia.

"Sweetie, please take care of yourself and don't forget to take your vitamins. Me, your dad and your sister will facetime you when you're there." She smiled then patted my arms.

I gave her a small hug, "The timezone will be totally different so yeah." I said.

She scratched her head, "Well at least you can learn something when you're there. I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too mom but don't worry, I'll come back every semester break." I smiled.

The uber driver helped me carry my suitcase and I gave my mom a peck on the cheek then I waved goodbye to her.

On my way to the airport I listen to my favorite playlist and I still skip one song that reminds me of Joel.

I can't play that song.

I had enough of crying session. I want to start fresh and new.

Moving to another country is a fresh start.

I heard it's really hot in Malaysia, well then I am going to get ready for a nice tan.

Once I arrived at the airport, I exchanged awkward smile with the uber driver as he gave me my suitcase.

"Okay so my flight is on..six in the afternoon." I murmured as I check my boarding pass.

It's not my first time travelling alone but first time going out of the country alone.. yes..

Heck yeah I'm nervous.

My anxiety is creeping in but I gotta be strong. This is what I wanted to do.

I sighed as I sit on the waiting area for my departure. I have this feeling and emotions of confusion,wanting to cry plus stupid heart of mine still loves Christopher Velez so much.

I don't want to leave him but I can't stay in U.S after what just happened last year.

Doctors, therapist couldn't save me. I need to leave New Jersey for a while so that I can heal.

Last year after my best friend passed away, all I did is drink alcohol everyday.

I started to smoke weed and went out clubbing alone then woke up on a stranger's bed.

I didn't even go to my sister's wedding because I got hospitalized. I drank too much and ended up in the hospital a day before my sister's wedding in London.

I was slowly destroying myself.

Everytime I drive, go to class, hangout by myself at the coffee shop..everything I do here reminds me of Joel.

I miss him so much.

Anyways, me and Chris? The last time I talked to him was when he saw me laying on the ground because I was super tipsy that evening.

In the morning I woke up inside his apartment.

We argued like hell that morning.

"Just because Joel is gone doesn't mean you can fuck around." He said.

I grabbed my coat and laughed, "You know what? I think I'm gonna put the blame on you. If you! Didn't show up at all.. Joel would have been still alive! You're a dick Chris! You let him die!"

His eyes widened, "You can blame me all you want but stop destroying yourself! Move on! Joel is gonna be so sad looking at your situation right now."

I laughed again, "Whatever Chris."

"I love you Valerie why can't you just..be normal again. Like you used to be."

I scoffed, "Normal? You think I can be normal after my best friend died? Chris the pain inside my heart is so strong that it makes me so depressed. I wanted to kill myself but my anxiety is stopping me. I have no idea what to do! And all I can think of is drink my way out of this... Chris I'm a mess I know..but I need to be alone."

I said then left his apartment.