beautiful time ↺ nct dream

14 | it was before

[ seohyun ]

i feel tired, but can't sleep, it's already twelve in the midnight and i can't stop overthinking.

i kicked off my blanket after trying so many positions for sleep. standing up, i directed to the window, trying to look at the sky, can i get up to the roof from here?

crazy.

but it only made me thought of renjun.

crazy again.

i didn't know what have gone in my mind that i stared on the door before going for it and opening it. but as i did, i was shocked by the presence of renjun who looked like he was hesitating to knock or what.

he jolted but without any words or something, he dragged me out of the house.

i thought of asking but i didn't want someone to hear us tho, and i just let him take me wherever he'd like.

when i noticed that we're heading to the beach that is a meter away from where we are staying at.

he let go of my hand and heaved a breath, "look, it's so calm, this is my favourite scenery." he spoke up.

i looked down on my feet, watching the ocean water bump against it back and fort. well it was cold, but relaxing.

"anyway, why did you took me here? why me when you have a girlfriend." and i felt bitter for some seconds.

seohyun did you just fucking said that?

"girlfriend? but you're still single, so i am too."

i widened my eyes and looked at him, is he trying to flirt?? no, don't assume nor overreact.

i bit my lower lip and started walking on the seaside. later on, renjun joined my tracks, asking, "isn't this such a beautiful time and a beautiful place to express someone your love?"

"for me?" and he was waiting for my answer, should i say no? cause i don't really like the ocean, i once had an accident and that was a fucking trAUma.

"yes." but i said yes anyways, i think that's what he was expecting to hear from me.

until he stopped, so i stopped as well.

"then do it with donghyuck, someone told me that was romantic." he said, rubbing his nape while looking downwards.

i was left silent. he's pushing me with him so suddenly. and first and foremost, i already turned down my feelings for my bestfriend.

"rejection is better than regrets. you'll regret forever if not today." he mumbled that made me stare at him thinking; why'd he say that?

"silence? silence forever? if only i knew, you really love him." i looked down on my hands that are now he's holding, "you do feel something for him, more than what i feel for you."

bitch my tongue is stiffed i don't know how to talk.

he scoffed, slowly letting go of my hands. i watched him walk a meter away from the seaside and making his butt all comfy on the sand- i mean he sat on the sand.

i sat along with him, watching the starry night.

[ renjun ]

"i don't know why can't i never be such a man, i don't know how to man up, or to act matured." i spoke up.

i can't even tell everything to you, all i can do is regret, regret and regret. i didn't know how to flirt. i didn't know what to do when i was with you. maybe i would just be here, staring at the ceiling, could've done nothing without jaemin or chenle's help.

"i'm just a boy, a boy who thinks leaving his car between a traffic just for a girl he loves is the stupidest thing to do."

i scoffed, that was also the stupidest thing i've said.

and i've done such stupid thing because of the girl i love.

though i met her.

but we're not fated.

"seohyun," i called which got a hum as response, "thank you for being with me out here tonight."

"i can always be with you watching those same stars." she answered, laughing awkardly.

i still want to watch dramas, teach her how to draw, let her sleep on my shoulder, watch the stars from the roof, all of it.

"we can always do the same thing we do from back then?" i chuckled.

but little did i know, a weight is now resting on my shoulder, i stayed still, smiling.

"but you'd be more happy with donghyuck."