33
remedy
your life felt like you're living in hell. pain was the thing you're always familiar of feeling as you never felt your genuine happiness.
gladly, you have your boyfriend with you and his friends who were trying to free yourself from depression.
but you just noticed that day by day, you couldn't handle your emotions anymore. your mind and body was now already surrendering.
you were at the edge of giving up and the scars you have on your wrist weren't healing that much since it was covered again with scars if you feel like hurting yourself again and again.
and that's what your friends hated the most, especially your boyfriend, jimin, who will get mad with what you did and to himself for not doing his very best to stop you from doing it.
but the problem here was you. self-harm was something you couldn't control just like your whole body coated with depression, making it heavy that you could barely move.
he'll be always there with you if you're going to have a check up with your doctor, a pyschiatrist, but for you there's no use.
it felt like this is what you were meant to be. maybe life isn't for everybody and you're one of them.
tears flooded your eyes once your mind was clouded with suicidal thoughts again. the feeling of being stuck somewhere deep where probably no one was there and no one could save you was what it felt like.
no one could save you, neither yourself. they would say that you should focus on those things that make you happy but how were you going to focus on what makes you happy if you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy?
might sound confusing but you were more confused with why you're life turned out like this. they don't get exactly how you feel and that sucks because words couldn't explain the pain, the worries, just everything was too complicated for someone who's not in your place.
you just wished how everybody could read someone else's mind so that if they read yours, they would actually realize how hard it was for you to face another day.
"y/n?" jimin blew your cloudy thoughts like a smoke, stopping you from thinking too much than already it was.
you hummed instead of saying something, he knew you so well that your humming was a sign of you thinking about something that you're too sad to even talk about.
"do you mind sharing what you're thinking about?" he sat next closely to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
a weak smile was something you gave him before shaking your head as an answer. he sighed and released his arm around you, he held both of your hands and looked into your orbs.
"what is it?"
"nothing, i'm good." you removed your hands from him and looked away before he even stare at your unhappy eyes and protest that you weren't really.
"i'm your boyfriend, y/n. you're thinking about something, come on i know it." his voice doesn't sound irritated but stern.
with a sigh that left your lips, he knew he was right and you should now free your thoughts and tell him what you're thinking about.
"i wanna die, okay? period." you said like it was nothing to you but for him, he felt how his world gone slow and everything's crashing apart.
god knows how much he would never like that to happen.
especially if he would love to have you as his last and have a good future with you. he even once pictured himself with you in the future, having a beautiful house and kids with you. he don't want that plan and hopes to disappear with just blink of an eye.
"y-you, y-you what? do you hear what you're saying to me right now?" he was staring at you like he couldn't believe that those words just escaped your lips.
"y/n," he looked away and sounded like out of breath.
"why w-would you like to end your life? am i not doing my best to make you feel loved and show you how much you mean to me?" you knew this was coming and you started hating yourself again for making him feel that way when you were thankful for having him in your life since he already did a lot for you.
"i fucking love you so much that it hurts hearing from you that you wanted to end your life when i wanted to have my future with you."
hearts were torturely broken into pieces, tears were now running down your cheeks uncontrollably when you heard those words from him.
and how those tears went down his cheeks made your heart ache in a worse way.
he doesn't want to lose you. never. because for him, losing you also felt like losing himself.
"i-i'm sorry jimin."
"no. you should be sorry for yourself. you're hurting yourself too much, y/n and i couldn't take it anymore!" with him now standing in front of you, your head was hanging down low.
"the next time you do it again, i'll do it to myself also." it made you look up right away, both sadness and anger was you could see through his eyes.
"i fucking dare you, y/n." he clenched his jaw with his breathing pattern uneven.
the madness in his eyes made you break the eye contact and instead look down, letting the silence cool his mind off which it did.
you heard a heavy sigh and his presence going near you, his cold hands meeting yours that made you look up at him.
"come here," you stood up and his arms welcomed you. the hug was tight and made you feel safe and loved again.
the both of you stayed like that for minutes as your hearts speak out what they truly feel. you felt very open to him and your chest that was held by pain so tight started to loosen up.
"look at me." he finally spoke and his finger lifted your chin up, your eyes met his while he cupped your cheek.
"please don't leave me." it was hard for him to say it that it barely became a whisper as he was trying not to break down in tears again.
he received a nod from you and with that, you felt his lips on your forehead.
"i love you so much, jimin." he pulled away and looked at you.
"and so do i."
feeling his arms wrapped around you once again and hearing his heart beating only for you.
that moment encouraged you to not let depression takes a control of your body and think about the people who loves you especially the person you're with right now.
your one and only remedy.
him, park jimin.
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