A Way Back - The Maze Runner (♡Newt)

Chapter 70

Cally's pov

What did just happen? We were just talking... I wanted to help him like he helped me, but I shouldn't have pushed him. He clearly didn't want to tell me, but I made him. I shouldn't have pushed him that much... UG! I fucked up again! Why do I always have to do that!? We were okay. Well... except for the disappearing sun, the doors not closing and the Griever attacks. But we- Newt and I- we were okay. We were friends... but he's in love with me... I never thought he wou- 
     "Auch! Watch it!" I got pulled out of my thoughts. The Shank who's wound I was cleaning snapped at me when I accidentally hit his eye.
     "I'm so, so sorry Sten... I zoned out for a moment, I guess. It won't happen again."
     "It's okay," Sten said through a sign, "just leaf my eye inside my head. I could appreciate that a lot."
     I let out a forced laugh, not wanting to raise any alarm bells. "Good that."
     I finished cleaning Sten's wound, he thanked me and went back to his own work.
    O my god Cally! Newt tells you he loves you and you just walk away? Your best friend tells you he's in love with you and you do that? What the hell is wrong with you? I need to talk to him about this.
     I looked around the room. There were about four Shanks still waiting for us to help them out. Clint and Jeff both were already busy with some guys, I guess the talk needs to wait until we're done here....
     I waved to Brendon, who was one of the waiting Shanks, and he came to me. He had a cut in his leg, not too deep, so I just cleaned it and wrapped some bandages around it.
     After I was done with Brendon, I looked at Clint and Jeff again, Jeff was still busy with the same guy as before, so there were still two other guys waiting. Mentally, I tried to order Jeff to work faster so I could go talk to Newt, but it did not seem to have any effect. Ow shuck it, I thought. Having run out of patience I got up and walked to Clint, he was stitching up some shanks leg.
     "Hey Clint. Is it okay if I go? I need to... do something."
     Clint looked around the room. He saw the two guys waiting, Jeff had just finished, and now he started on the next one. Clint looked back at me and nodded, "You go talk to Newt."
     His words surprised me, "Wait, what? How did you know I wanted to-"
     "I clearly interrupted you two before. He seemed a bit... upset."
     I scratched the back of my neck, feeling embarrassed for some reason. "Yeah... that would be my bad..." I gave Clint a swat on the back, "thanks, man, I'll be back soon." I heard Clint say 'no problem' as I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.
     First, I checked my own room, to see if Newt was there. Of course he wasn't there anymore, Bark was though. She looked up to me, waking her tail. "I'm sorry, Bark, I need you to stay here a little longer." After I said that, I closed the door again. I went down the stairs to the kitchen, Newt wasn't there either, but Frypan was.
     "Hey, Fry," I said as I walked up to him. "Do you know where Newt is?"
     Frypan looked up from what he was doing as he answered. "I saw him going outside some time ago, don't know where he went, though." 
     "Okay, thanks man," I said and walked outside. I looked around me, I saw Ezra working on one of the doors, together with some other Builders. They had to barricade the doors again. We all knew that wasn't going to hold the Grievers out. It didn't work last night, so why should it work this time?
     Only no one really dared to say anything about it. I guess we all just did as we were told, so we didn't have the time to think too much. If we would start thinking too much, we would start to realize that we were all dead. We would realize that all we were doing was hopeless, and if we didn't find a way out soon, we were all going to die.  My eyes grew wider, well fuck... see? I shouldn't have started thinking about it... quickly I shook my head, nope, one thing at the time.... I've to find Newt first, after that I can go back to worrying about dying.
     I started walking towards the East Door when I spotted Newt. He was talking to Thomas in front of the Bloodhouse. As I made my way the two, Thomas already walked away. I thought they hadn't noticed me, but then I met Newt's eyes. I smiled and waved, only Newt ignored me and just walked into the building.
     My stomach tightened. He was ignoring me. Great. I almost let it bug me enough to turn around, but I found the little spark of confidence I needed to run up to the Bloodhouse. The moment I walked inside, the smell of dried blood and dead animals almost made me throw up. But I sucked it up and walked to Newt, who handed a box to Winston. 
     "Hi," I said, a bit hesitantly. Winston greeted me with a nod of the head before walking away with the box, only Newt didn't even react. I lay my hand on his arm, turning his attention to me, "can we talk?" 
     "I don't really have a lot of time right now, Cals." Newt didn't even look me in the eye while he answered my question. I could feel the awkward tension getting stronger, I hated it.
     "I know, there's a lot going on. I just think we should talk about what you told me-" 
    "There's nothing to talk 'bout." He interrupted me. "I shouldn't have told ya, it was stupid. Just forget it." I ignored Newt's protest and just continued.
     "Did you mean it? What you said, did you really mean it?"
     Newt was still avoiding my eyes, but eventually he did nod, "yeah. Yes I did, I mean, I do. But it doesn't matter anyway."
     I frowned, "why would you say that?"
     Newt sighed, it was clear it was taking him a lot of effort to talk about this. "Because you don't- feel the same... and-"
     "I never said that." The moment it had left my mouth, I slapped my hands in front of it.
     Newt's expression became a little surprised, relieved even, as he actually looked at me now. "So you- you do?" 
     "Yes! I mean, no- I mean..." I moved my hands from my mouth to cover my eyes. "I- I'm so sorry... I just..." 
     "Maybe you should make up your mind before ya say somethin' else, Cally." I could hear the hurt and frustration through his voice, and I couldn't blame him.
     I immediately felt worse than before, I didn't mean to hurt him.... I removed my hands from my face and took a deep breath, "Listen. You're my best friend, and I love you, maybe more than I should. It's just-" 
     "Felix, right?" Newt finished my sentence. He smiled at me, a sad smile, just like his voice.
     I nodded, my expression as sad as his. "I'm sorry... I really am. I just, I don't know what I'm feeling..." I wrapped my arms around myself in a hug. I could feel tears coming up in my eyes, I tried to stop them from coming out, but I had the feeling that I was losing.
     Apparently, Newt noticed, "Cals don't... It's okay-" 
     "No, it's not.... everything is going to shit. The sun is gone, the walls don't close, Grievers can attack us whenever they want. Gally had completely lost it before he literally jumped into a Griever. Alby is unconscious, again, and we don't know what happened to him. I don't seem to remember anything useful anymore. A- and last night... When Gally had knocked you out and that Griever tried to take you while you just lay there, unconscious, not moving at all... I thought it would get you, and I couldn't let that happen. I just couldn't. Only the thought of losing you I- I couldn't bear it. Not that I actually did something, Gally was the one who saved you. So I- I just wanted to help, but I pushed you too far, and now I made it worse like I always do- what are you doing?"
     Newt wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest in a hug. "You're not makin' it worse Cals..."
     "Yes, I am. You're comforting me again, like you always do. Even though I just hurt your feelings, I should be comforting you, not the other way around-" 
     "Just slim it and hug me back." Newt said with a trace of a laugh in his voice; making me let out a small chuckle too while I wrapped my arms around his waist.
     "Cally," Newt started, the slight amusement in his voice now fully gone. "When Gally had knocked me out, and I woke up. The first thing I saw was you, standing between me and that Griever with a buggin' kitchen knife. And I bloody panicked. Not because the Griever could get to me, but because I thought it was gonna take you. Gally may have been a complete loon, but at least he saved you."
     Newt paused for a second, taking a deep breath. "I don't care if we're together or not. As long as you're here, with me, in one piece, everythin' is perfect." I didn't know how to react, I just hugged him tighter, not wanting to let go just yet. We didn't say anything for some time, we just stood there. I listened to his heartbeat while I felt Newt letting his head rest on mine. It felt peaceful, for a moment, it felt like everything was okay. 
     "We should go back to work. Still got a lot to do." I heard Newt's voice rumble in his chest.
     I backed up a little so I could look him in the eyes, but we were still holding each other, "are we okay?" I asked, my voice quiet, almost whispering.
     Newt smiled at me and pressed a kiss on my forehead, "we're okay." When his lips made contact with my skin, I felt my heart flutter, ow shuck me...
     "We still need help with the Maps, you up for it?" Newt said, interrupting my thoughts as he let go of me.
     "Totally," I said, a soft smile on my lips. "Let's crack that code and get out of here."
     Newt chuckled, "I wish it were that bloody simple."