Nine Months (One Direction fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Zayn's POV

Awkward. Uncomfortable. This was our tour. It shouldn't be like this. We should be having a good time. We should be seeing fans. We should be happy. But that doesn't mean we were. 

It had been like this ever since we started traveling a week ago. We were all on edge; none of us particularly wanted to leave, but none of us could handle staying at home for too long. We liked to keep moving forward. Except Harry, that is. He was the only one who really protested the tour, but it had been booked months in advance, and management was still sour about Grace's pregnancy, so his attempts were futile. 

We hadn't even started shows yet and we were exhausted. Liam seemed very quiet and to himself most of the time. He was really beating himself up over everything - having sex with Grace, releasing the pregnancy information, all of the fights over the past few months, Louis's running away. Most of the things weren't his fault, or things that he was already forgiven for, but it didn't matter much. Liam was Liam, and he felt terrible over his mistakes. 

Niall was so, so hopelessly lovesick. It was apparent to everyone, it seemed, but Harry. I felt bad for the Irish lad. He could never catch a break. Everyone knew he loved her since they met. When they finally did the deed, it must have been a dream come true for him. And to find out that his four best friends had done the same? I could feel what Liam was feeling, the self-loathing, at least a little bit. And if that wasn't bad enough for Ni, it turns out she was pregnant with his best friend's baby. And not only that, but she had chosen Harry over him. It had to burn a hole in his heart.

Not that I would know. Niall spent most of the time on the tour bus playing his guitar. Sometimes he'd talk to Liam, if Liam was up for it. That's one of the major differences about this tour compared to the others we've been on. Nobody really talked this time; we had an unspoken communication. I wish I could say it was peaceful, but I'd be lying.

Harry called Grace three times a day. I wondered how he'd do that when our shows started, and our interviews, and our premieres. When he wasn't communicating with Grace, he was whispering to Louis, or sleeping. It was more of the ladder, though. Louis and Harry weren't fighting anymore, which was a step in the right direction, but they weren't the same friends they were before. Harry talking to Louis was the equivalent of walking on eggshells. Every word was careful, every sentence was thought out. Harry thought that if he said one wrong thing to Louis, then he'd be gone again.

Even humorous, outgoing Louis kept to himself most of the time. He read a lot, which was strange, considering he'd told us multiple times that he didn't read. I guess he would've done anything to get rid of the terrible awkwardness present in the bus. I suppose he thought we judged him now that we knew he was gay. We didn't, obviously, but we couldn't convince him. It got me scared for when he came out officially to the fans. What if they said something offensive and he ran away again? We didn't sound right without him.

I spent most of the time writing. Stories, poems, lyrics. It was so dreadfully quiet that sometimes I'd drop my pen just to hear a sound, just to hear something. I hated this feeling of uncomfortable-ness. I hated feeling like my guard was up whenever I was around four boys who I called my brothers.  It was the worst feeling in the world.

[[A/N: So you probably all hate me by now. I haven't updated in like a month. But here you go, an update. With zero dialouge. Just Zayn filling you in on what's happening. AND OMG. 27k READS! 62 FANS! THIS IS SO SURREAL. I'm so glad you guys like my story. It means the world, honestly. Thank you all so much! xx ]]