Emasculate | Jikook ✓

[00:16] ⚠️

|| THIRD PERSON ||

jimin let out a soft, deep sigh, leaning against the edge of their bathtub. he held the nearly full bottle of pills in his hand, observing the many things about its condition.

one thing for sure was that it's much heavier than it should've been.

as it twirled around in his grasp, he couldn't help but think the overwhelming amount of pills were mocking him.

jimin didn't like how guilty it made him feel, standing there in the utter coldness of his darkened bathroom. lying to jungkook was absolutely one of the last things he'd ever wanna do, though he needed to.

he was trapped by this point.

caught in his own web of lies.

theres no way for him to sneak around his secret anymore. his only choice was to play it off as if nothing even changed to begin with.

jimin doesn't like playing dirty with his boyfriend like this. if anything, he nearly grimaced as it burned through his hand, glaring at him for not utilizing it the way he's supposed to.

none of that mattered to him right now.

the thing that caught him off guard was how jungkook's grown accustomed to the prescription cycle so soon. he never would've expected that from the boy. hormones just didn't seem like his thing.

its true what he said. according to the last time he picked up his monthly dose, it should've been nearly empty right now.

again, should be.

but it's not.

the bottle he currently held between his fingers was barely even halfway full. he's prescribed to take three pills a day and yet sometimes he fails to even reach one.

it's not that jimin was forgetful or anything, surely that was his initial problem four years ago when he started cycling through these hormonal pills.

he just didn't wanna do this anymore.

hes tired.

hes taking a massive risk by doing this to himself, though that didn't strike him as something to be concerned about. jimin lacking his body of its needs was never something that crossed his mind as he continually made these harsh decisions.

he was blinded by desire and longing.

the desire to feel himself again and the longing for what he's missing.

all of that fuelled this unusual type of behaviour. he didn't wish for it to happen like it did but there was nothing he could do about it now.

thats why he took another deep breath, ready to do as he's done for about two months now.

jimin forced his body to stop in front of the trashcan. be ignored the hesitant tear threatening to run down his cheek as he tossed the bottle into the abyss of utter despair.

nothing felt better than watching it sink to the bottom, knowing it could no longer induce him with any false security.

it didn't matter that his body only felt weaker with each passing day, the pride and strength he got from doing this easily made him forget about all that.

jimin liked being pretty but there's one thing he'll never like and that's hating himself.

the harassment and comments did that all too well for him. if he could avoid that while still looking somewhat perfect for jungkook then that's the risk he was willing to take.

surely taking one-third of what he needed would still get the job done, right? he's convinced himself so. just as long as he doesn't get caught.

the thing he failed to realize was that was by doing this, all he was doing was furthering that exact same problem.

he wasn't fixing anything.

he was only making it worse.