Blood of the Pure [COMPLETE]

Chapter 19 - Part 1

Chapter 19

LOE

– Path of Cheth. The Bearer of the Sangraal. The Black Brothers.1 –

"If all I hear is silence ... if all I see is darkness ... if all I feel is emptiness ... How can I be sure I still exist?
Just because something in my chest keeps beating and my tired mind is still able to think?
What life is this that inhabits me, leaving me lost and unfeeling,
leading me towards nonexistent worlds as I desperately try to escape reality?
In truth, if I feel nothing, and nothing fulfills me, then I can only be dead, dreaming about life, in this eternal sleep."

Just as planned Rachel ended up returning to Paris at the end of the week. She wasn't pleased with the idea of leaving me alone and I had to make use of every possible argument to reassure her, trying my best to convince her that Gabriel would probably arrive the next day. I didn't tell her that, in fact, he was never coming back. That would only make her worry. With or without him, she had work to do that required her presence and no way to just stay in London without making previous arrangements.

After making me promise I'd call her as soon as he got home, she gave me a long kiss and an even tighter hug, and left to catch her cab. I managed to keep my most convincing smile in place until the cab disappeared down the road, but it quickly withered away the moment I closed the door.

Her departure had the same effect on me as the drop of a first domino in one of those intricate patterns designed to sequentially fall apart. And, without knowing how to avoid it, I found myself dragged towards a descending spiral that inevitably ended in darkness. Nevertheless the time around me kept moving forward and Monday arrived as it was supposed to.

I awoke after another poorly slept night, constantly interrupted by nightmares I could never seem to remember, and stood up, feeling as if I'd just left part of me lying there under the quilt.

The silence that accompanied me at breakfast made me take even less time to eat, and I left the house stepping into a cold but sunny morning. I walked to school, feeling half asleep, and when I finally reached my goal I could hardly recall how I'd gotten there.

As usual, Michael was waiting for me and his smile brought my dormant body back to life.

I didn't tell him about Steph's unexpected visit. I tried as hard as I could to put all that out of my mind. I walked draped in his usual warmth almost up to my classroom and, as I saw him walk away, it seemed like he took what little bit of energy I had with him.

It was Joanne who brought me back to reality. I felt glad that she seemed to be talking to me again, greeting me as always and asking me about my holidays. We walked together to our seats and her description of how wonderful her vacations had been was only interrupted by Stephanie's arrival.

Contrary to Joanne, Steph didn't even look my way, nor Joanne's for that matter. She just sat silently, her back very straight, completely ignoring our presence. Joanne frowned, clearly displeased with her attitude. I was sure she had decided that, once we were all back to school, she'd forgive us and things would be back to the way they used to. But Steph didn't want to go back, she never would. Unlike me, always trying to hold on to the old me, she would accept all that had happened and embrace her changed self. I was envious of her strength, even if that meant we would never be friends again.

Without Joanne's chatter to keep me focused on one point I was lost among the unintelligible sounds that surrounded me. There were laughter, awes and chairs dragging over the floor, but the world that surrounded seemed unreal and distant.