Close Your Eyes, Ciem

Epilogue

#CYECEpilogue

I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

I haven't seen him for six years, and thousands of unexplained emotions are eating me now that he's right in front of me.

"H-Hi." My voice was shaky and a little unclear.

Hindi ko alam kung deserve ko bang makita siya ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong maging masaya na nandito siya ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung dapat bang gumaan ang loob ko dahil makalipas ang ilang taon ay sa wakas, dinalaw niya ako.

"Hi," he responded, hesitation written all over his eyes. Kahit 'di niya sabihin, alam kong ayaw niya sana akong puntahan dito. Kahit 'di niya sabihin, alam kong ayaw niya akong makita.

Ni hindi siya makatingin sa 'kin ng diretso.

"Kumusta ka na?" tanong ko sa kanya at pilit akong ngumiti kahit hindi pa rin niya nakatingin sa 'kin.

Hindi siya umimik at nanatili lang siyang tahimik. Napayuko tuloy ako at hindi sinasadyang mahagip ng mga mata ko iyong kamay niya.

He's wearing a wedding ring on his finger.

Nakaramdam ako nang biglaang pagsikip ng dibdib ko at namuo na naman ang luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko.

"Y-You're married. Congrats," tumatango tangong sabi ko. Pinilit kong maging masaya para sa kanya, pero alam kong niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko.

"Congrats?" He scoffed. I was stunned when he said that.

His eyes finally met mine. "You really have the nerve to congratulate me after abandoning me?" Anger and pain were written all over his eyes.

"I—"

"You pleaded guilty six years ago, Ciem! It drove me insane! I told you to wait but you didn't! I was working on it! I was—"

"But I am guilty, Adam," I cut him off and avoided his eyes.

"You were my partner. You were the love of my life. You still are. But you're a great lawyer, Adam. And that made you the first one to discover the whole truth," tipid na ngiting sabi ko.

"You hated defending someone who's guilty, and I didn't want you to hate me," dagdag ko pa.

Hindi siya nagsalita at iniyukom lamang ang kamao niya.

"You did nothing wrong. You did your best. You did your part."

I wiped my tears off my cheek but they just kept on falling.

"I didn't abandon you, Adam. I just . . . did what's right. Kahit huli na ang lahat. Kahit hindi ko na maibabalik 'yong buhay na kinuha ko mula sa iba. Kahit nakagawa na ako ng masama. I still did what I think was right. I know, Hope wanted the same. He wanted me to rot in jail for killing him. He wanted me to suffer. At walang dahilan para ipagdamot ko 'yon sa kanya. Tama lang na mabulok ako rito sa kulungan. Tama lang na tumanda akong mag-isa. Tama lang na hindi ako maging masaya. Sa dami ng mga mali na nagawa ko, tama lang na pagsisihan ko 'yon panghabangbuhay."

Muli kong pinunasan ang luha ko kasabay ng paghikbi ko.

"There's no reason for me to defend myself in court. I—couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to Hope. Not when I remembered everything."

Ayokong makitang umiiyak si Adam, pero heto siya ngayon at umiiyak sa harapan ko dahil sa 'kin.

Napakasama ko talagang tao.