Close Your Eyes, Ciem

Chapter One

#CYECChapter1

Ciem

"I'M not crazy! It felt so real! She was f*cking crying in front of me! There's blood all over the floor!" My voice cracked as I wiped my own tears.

"I believe you, Ciem. But first, you have to calm down, okay? Take it easy," Calizo said, lightly rubbing my shoulders.

"Take it easy?" I scoffed in disbelief. "I haven't slept for months! I'm too exhausted! I want to sleep but I couldn't do it! I'm f*cking scared!"

Patuloy ang paghikbi ko pero wala siyang ibang ginawa kung hindi ang hagurin ng marahan ang balikat ko.

Inis kong tinabig ang kamay niya. "If you don't want to help me, I'll just go."

"No, Ciem. I will definitely help you. It's just that . . . I haven't been practicing for years so I couldn't offer you any professional help. But I promise you, I'll do what I can, okay? Just . . . tell me everything. No more white lies, just the whole truth."

Naging mapakla ang timpla ng mukha ko. Ano ba ang akala niya? Nagsisinungaling ako? Gumagawa ako ng kuwento? Sana nga ay gano'n na lang talaga ang ginagawa ko. Pero hindi. Totoong nararanasan ko ang mga ito.

"It's all true, Calizo. Everything that I just said was all true. These nightmares felt so real that sometimes I'm confused with reality and nightmares. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't want to sleep because it feels like something bad might happen to me. And you know that feeling?" There's a pause, then I continued. "That feeling sucks."

He's Calizo, a good friend of mine when I was still in high school. He's actually six years older than me. He was a psychiatrist, but for some unknown reason, he left his field.

He let out a deep sigh. "I know how horrifying your dreams are, Ciem. But I also know that these dreams mean something. Nightmares are always correlated with traumatic experiences. So, maybe something happened to you that you have forgotten."

"I haven't forgotten anything, Calizo. My parents filed for bankruptcy because it was the only option for our company that was drowning in debt. And because we're deeply in debt, my parents had to work so hard para makabangon ulit kami. Now my parents are dead. I'm all alone now. I remember everything, Calizo. How they died because of working nonstop para lang mairaos 'yong huling dalawang taon ko sa college, at para lang mabigyan ulit ako ng magandang buhay. They actually succeeded on giving me back a good life, nabigyan pa nga nila ako ng magandang bahay." Mapait akong tumawa. "But they ended up dying, Calizo. They're gone and I couldn't do anything about it. Kasi alam kong kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi ko na sila maibabalik. Dahil ang buhay, kapag natapos, tapos na."

Napatitig lang siya sa 'kin. Bakas sa mga mata niya ang pagkagulat. Hindi man niya nakilala noon ang mga magulang ko, I used to brag their success to him, kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit ganiyan ngayon ang reaksyon niya.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you and your family." There's a pause. "Still, we need to consider the possibility of you forgetting something," he continued.

Annoyed, I stared at him. "So, what are you suggesting?"

"We have to press on it."

Natawa ako nang mahina at tiningnan siya ng masama. "Are you f*cking kidding me, Calizo? Sinabi ko na nga na naaalala ko lahat! Bakit kailangan mong ipilit na may nakalimutan ako? Okay ka lang ba? Sino ba ang may problema dito? Ako ba talaga o ikaw?" galit na saad ko.

Hindi siya umimik at batid kong may gusto pa sana siyang sabihin, pero inunahan ko na siya.

"You know what? Forget it. I don't need your help," seryoso kong sabi saka ako tumayo at lumabas ng apartment niya.