The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Forty Six: His Tender Touch

Song: Save Yourself by Kaleo

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I didn't waste any time and quickly crowded Colton's personal space and hugged him. He chuckled lowly into my neck as relief washed over me. "You scared me, Colton. I thought....I thought that you were going to-"

"It's okay, hell doesn't want me just yet any ways." He says in an effort to comfort me. I pull away from him, dabbing my eyes until they were free of little tears that wanted to escape.

"That's not funny. I was such a wreck....the doctors said your survival chances were low and I've been such a mess all week. Don't ever do that again, scare me like that. Don't ever put yourself in that kind of a situation again, I don't think I would be able to handle it if you....didn't come back."

"I won't, I promise, Addison. I'm officially out of the gang and I want a new life now. I'm ready to leave all the violence behind me and move forwards." He says as he looks me in the eyes with his own hopeful ones.

I sit on the bed beside him and take his hand in mine. He doesn't flinch away, but instead, he cocks his head to the side slightly and furrows his eyebrows. His hair had grown a bit in the last week, so some tendrils fall into his face. "I believe I asked you a question." He says.

"Huh?"

"The question, Addison."

Then I understand. I feel my face turning red and my heart pounding. "You heard.....everything, didn't you?" I laugh awkwardly.

"I did." He responds, "Is it true, then? Do you love me?"

Suddenly the room feels hot and my hands become clammy. I pull my hand from his, I didn't really want him to feel my now moist hands, so I clasp my hands together in my lap. "I-I....yes. Yes I do love you. Through it all, I love you even though we've been through hell and back." I admit.

But he doesn't say anything, he just watches his fingers as he twiddles them. Was it too soon? Maybe he doesn't love me back. My insecurities rise up, becoming the louder voice in my mind.

"Really?" His voice cracks.

This time I don't hesitate. "I really do."

He hangs his head low, shielding my from his eyes. He brings a hand to his face and wipes his eyes, and I see a wetness on his hand when he pulls it away.

He's crying.

"Colton?" 

He doesn't respond nor does he look up. He seems to want to hide his face from me, and I know he's ashamed. He hates crying, he hates tears. He grew up being told that it wasn't okay to cry, that crying was a weakness and that crying meant he had emotions and feelings which could make him easily be broken.

"Hey, look at me. Please." I beg. Finally, he does so, and slowly turns his eyes to mine once more.

They're swimming with unshed tears and my heart breaks when he speaks. "You're the first to say that to me. I've never been loved, I never thought it was possible for someone like me to be valued by someone else. Why do you love someone who is...worthless like me? I've been stripped of my dignity and most of my humanity, so why? How can someone love me when I can't even love myself?" He cries to me, losing his composure.

"If only you could see the way I see you, then you would understand. I don't only look at what you want me to see, Colton. I know you act emotionless and calm, and you use intimidation to try to distract me and others from what they could possibly see." I reply.