The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Fourteen: I Am Free

Song: Cruel World by Tommee Profitt

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The words tasted sweet as they touched my lips.

The words spurred excitement in my chest. It grew larger and larger with each low thump of my heart.

The words gave me hope.

Because these words signified my new beginning.

Because these words had to do with my freedom.

Freedom is in the palms of my hands now. It is being dangled by a string in front of my eyes. I'm so close. It's right there, and I can just reach out and touch it.

Because now, it is mine.

The judge's words sound so unreal as she declares that finally, I am a free citizen. I am free to walk and live as I please.

I.

Am.

Free.

The mother of the loved ones I killed in the crash are in the room with me, though. She sends me hateful glares and tears stream down her cheeks. Her hands are balled into fists at her sides and heavy bags are nestled under her eyes.

She looks exhausted.

It's nearly been four years, and she's still devastated. She's still affected.

And that thought causes my heart to shatter.

I've truly changed people's lives in one of the worst ways possible. Once more, it feels as if I lug around the dead weight of a boulder that is strapped to my back.

But it is not a boulder, but guilt that feels heavy like one.

I take deep breaths, calming myself so that a panic attack doesn't creep up on me. I learned a lot about how to manage my mental problems with the therapists, and for that, I am grateful.

Murmurs erupt in the room. Whether they are for or against me, I don't care. At this moment, I just care about my freedom.

"This case is dismissed." The judge says, the sound of the mallet hammering fills my ears. The therapists that have been assigned to my case smile at me and I run up to them and thank them for the help they've given me.

The mother glares at me and flips me off as she exits the courtroom. I am, however, escorted back to the institution to collect some clothes so I can change out of this institutional light grey jump suit.

Once I change into the old dark green, v-neck tee shirt and faded skinny jeans, I am driven outside of the gates and dropped off by the driver. It's a surreal moment when I watch the government car drive away from me.

The earth is before me and the sun leaves no shadow to hide as it rises high in the sky. The grass is dry and dead around me and the light breeze plays with my hair. I breathe a breath of fresh and and smile as I look up at the vibrant blue sky.

For the first time in nearly four years, I am alone.

There's no prisoners to beat me up nor patronize me. There's no mental patients to talk to or interact with. Human presence is gone for me and with it, privacy has returned. For the last three years, I've had no privacy.

In prison, there was a single toilet in the cell in which my cell mates and I used. There was no door, no concept of privacy in prison. Then, when I went to the mental institution, that didn't change.

There was always cameras in my room to monitor my state.

But now, all that has changed.

With confidence, I begin my trek down the short gravel path that leads into the city. Life is bustling and I can't help but stop and stare at the life before me. People rush around to their destined places and they brush by me quickly.