The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Thirty Eight: His Promise

Song: Lonely by Nathan Wagner

Yay another update ^^

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It wasn't the skies smeared with dark, grey clouds as imperfect as himself that told him something was wrong. It wasn't the way humanity seemed to shrivel away inside their homes, or the fact that lightening flared above him and thunder drummed under his feet with mighty vibrations.

No, it was something much different. Something much, much different.

Because it was a feeling. A feeling that rattled him and shook him to the core. A feeling that was familiar in the way that made him feel anxious, panicked, and disoriented.

A feeling that made him feel like a terrified little child again, clutching his little blue blanket as his tormentor reveled in the fear in his eyes before taking him to his room to beat him until he screamed.

And when Colton felt like that, he coped with it by drowning it out in alcohol and drugs. But he pushed that urge away, because something told him that he was going to need to be sober to figure out the problem developing before him.

He would need to be in the right state of mind.

He didn't have much in his life, he had his gang and he had that....girl. That girl that made him feel things he couldn't identify. He always was told nobody could ever love him, and in return, he believed he couldn't love anyone, either.

To him, love was a silly concept. It was a relationship based clearly on emotions, and Colton knew quite well that emotions change.

And when emotions change, love dissipates.

But he wouldn't know, because he's never been in love, and nobody has ever shown him even the slightest amount of compassion.

So the possibility of having feelings for that girl wasn't even an option for him. He didn't realize he was starting to have the smallest amount of feelings for her because he was in denial and didn't know how to recognize what those types of feelings felt like in the first place.

It had been a few days since he had last been in contact with Addison, and he yearned to see her again. He was anxious. Anxious because something was wrong.

Something was wrong and he had to go see Addison.

The rival gangs had been too quiet lately, and he feared harm would be brought upon Addison because he had been foolish enough to be around her when his enemies were watching.

He destroys everything he touches, why would this be any different?

He fumbled with the keys to his motorcycle and cursed aloud when his shaky hands failed on multiple attempts to jam the key into the ignition. He was losing his mind to panic, and he tried his best to keep himself composed.

To Colton, his mind was the lonely place he called home, with many terrifying rooms that held dark memories. His mind, then, was more like a haunted house that did nothing but scare him and confuse him. It was easy for him to be locked in one of those rooms and become easily distracted by sudden panic that attacked him often.

He couldn't even configure his own mind which made all situations even worse.

His mind was in pieces by the time he arrived at the little apartment Addison called home. He remembered fondly how proud she was of the little piece of shit she had managed to afford. He admired that about her - she found joy in the little accomplishments in life.

Of course, anyone would find joy if they gained something small when they had nothing. But he still thought it was an admirable trait in Addison. He wasn't like that, he didn't - no, he couldn't seem to find joy in anything these days.