Section F: Fairy Tales & Physicists

Chapter 19

"Peregrine," he breathed, keeping his eyes and gun firmly locked on the hulking figure, "any thoughts? I think with otherworldly giants, we're definitely in your territory now."

"Hmm, giants, giants," she mused, giving her temple a speculative scratch with the barrel of her gun. "Nah, sorry—I've got nothing. And you know the annoying thing?"

Fields' eyes widened, as his brain catalogued the seemingly endless list of things which would currently qualify for that list, cryptic, non-helpful partners foremost among them. In the end it just seemed easier to settle for a simple, "What?"

"I left my grenade-launcher back in Pearl's boot. Typical—you just never know when you're going to need to blow stuff up, do you?"

"Lemme see, lemme see," muttered the witch, as she rummaged through her bag. "I used most of my knockout stuff on those other critters." Expression doubtful, she retrieved a vial containing a viscous purple goo, and frowned up at the giant. "I guess a bit of the old squirty-bum would probably be a bad idea, huh?"

"Stop it, all of you!" Embers positioned herself between the others and the giant. "Stop it, please. No one is blowing this poor fellow up." She waggled an admonitory finger at the witch. "Not even his bowels. Were none of you listening to me? How do we know he is bad? How do we know he means us harm? After all, I assumed the worst of both poor old Eel and dear Britney when I first met them, and yet here we are, all on the same side. That giant has just been transported from his home, against his will, to some strange new world—a world he knows nothing about. Isn't it possible he might just be feeling a little lost? A little confused? A little in need of help? Look at him."

They looked. It was hard to deny that the expression on the gargantuan face was more suggestive of puzzled bafflement rather than terrifying rage. Bafflement, combined with possibly just a hint of indigestion. "Blah," he muttered, "blugger, feeny, fide." He yawned enormously, ruffling the hair of the watchers on the hangar floor. "Me am very tired."

"Hello, there. My name is Embers." As the princess took a step toward him, the giant at last became aware of the presence of his diminutive audience, looking down at them with eyes that were becoming distinctly heavy-lidded. "What a fine, big fellow you are. What's your name?"

"Glob, glup, meeny, ditty." A hint of a smile tugged at one side of the great, fleshy lips. "Me think you is oh so pretty."

"Why, thank you, kind sir. And your name?"

"Bubba, wubba, nerfle, nud." Jaws cracking, the giant's next yawn was even larger, and laying down his club, he stretched expansively. "This one's name be Dwerflescrud."

"Oh. Oh, I see. What a...lovely name. Now, Mr Dwerflescrud, my friends and I would—"

"Ob, bob, rap, feep." A drowsy frown replaced the half-smile. "No talk now, time to sleep."

"But if I could just—"

"Nerf, quow, me sleep now!" And with this emphatic assertion, the giant eyes closed.

Almost at once, a half-snore rumbled deep in the recesses of the mammoth figure's throat, and for the longest moment it seemed as though he would simply sleep where he sat, more or less squarely in the centre of the capacious, now almost-roofless hangar—pulsating green portal behind him, the two agents, the witch and the princess before him, and beyond them, watching on with wide-eyed wonder from the suddenly not-so-safe-seeming safety of their elevated, reinforced control room, the two rogue scientists responsible for the whole diabolical, dimension-defying and deeply disturbing diorama.

But only for a moment. Inexorably, gravity asserted itself, and with slow, remorseless inevitability, in a gradual gathering of momentum, the giant toppled to one side in a landslide of limbs, a veritable avalanche of flesh. Vast as it may have been, the hangar's expansive floorspace was far too inadequate to contain his colossal recumbent form, and as he fell his shoulder thundered into a wall, crushing it utterly.

Momentum not yet spent, the force of the giant's fall flung his arm out beyond the now-breached perimeter of the hangar, and as his torso crashed to the earth with a shuddering impact that knocked everyone from their feet, one outstretched hand smashed into the fence encircling the buildings. A fence through which flowed 10,000 volts of raw electrical energy.

The gargantuan figure jerked rigid, his booted feet crashing into the wall opposite the one his shoulder had already demolished, tearing it asunder like so much tissue-paper, as the entire structure of the hangar groaned and swayed in precisely the way enormous buildings are designed not to do.

In a showering cascade of sparks, the fallen section of fence shorted out, the giant's limbs fell limp and within seconds—to the astonishment of all—snores could once again be heard emanating from the slack, half-open mouth of the enormous, insensate head.

A shaken Fields regained his feet, relieved to see the others were doing likewise and appeared to be unharmed. In silence, the forlorn little group gathered and gazed at the prone, sleeping colossus. The goose honked.

"Well," said Peregrine at last, "I guess when giants get tired, they really get tired. Like, really, seriously. Wow."

"Gravity." Remarkably, some of the speakers clinging to the remaining sections of wall still functioned, and at the sound of his voice, the group turned to see Featherstone looking back at them through the now-cracked windows of the control room, a pale-faced and clearly shaken Radovic standing alongside him. "I think it must be the gravity."

He pointed at the giant. "Nothing that big could develop on a planet like ours. He must be from a smaller world—a world with less gravity. Here, he must feel as though he's made of lead. Even the simplest movement would be an enormous effort. That's why he was tired. Gravity."

"Oh, the poor fellow. Curse that wretched gravity." Compassion etched on her delicate features, Embers gazed at the sleeping man-mountain. "Tell me, though—what exactly is gravity?"

Fields opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a rending, tearing sound from the control room, as with a sudden lurch and a shower of broken glass, one end of the suspended structure suddenly dropped several feet, throwing the occupants within to the now-sloping floor.

"Gravity?" replied Peregrine, watching as Featherstone and Radovic gingerly regained their feet, before peering fearfully out through the shattered windows of their damaged haven. "Oh, I'll tell you what gravity is." She grinned up at the scientists. "Gravity's a bitch. Hey, Prof? Hah!"