With a princess killer to catch, a host of fairy-tale characters to wrangle and a crumbling career to resurrect, fallen hotshot Agent Fields has his hands full. And that's before the case leads to a story-obsessed, dimension-hopping scientist, hellb...
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Authorities remain baffled by the sudden disappearance of actor Lance McSmooth, missing from the set of his latest production, action blockbuster Dwerflescrud and the Beanpole.
Exhaustive searching has so far revealed no trace of the movie star, last seen retiring to his trailer in costume following a fiery mid-scene altercation with members of the production crew.
Well-known in the industry for his both his intensive preparation and unflinching commitment to each and every role he plays, McSmooth has long held the reputation of being difficult to work with, leading to speculation of foul play in his disappearance.
"Yeah, Lance is a real piece of work," commented Dwerflescrud and the Beanstalk director Mipe Flynanah. "Once he gets into character, he don't come out again until the shoot is done. As far as he's concerned, he's Dwerflescrud for the duration. I mean, kudos for the commitment and all that, but mosta the time he's nothing but a pain in my ass. Crappin' on about his goose and his harp and how the little guy is comin' down the beanpole to steal 'em and all that. When we all know good and well there ain't no such thing as little people. And the rhyming? Oh man, don't get me started with the rhyming. It's all, 'Wobster bobster, where's my lobster?' and 'Flagent cragent, get me my agent.' You know what I think? I think herk schmerk, what a jerk."
A police spokesman said at this stage there was no clear evidence of malicious intent and although various lines of enquiry were underway, the investigation is currently classified as a simple missing persons case. She dismissed eyewitness reports made by several onsite fans that Mr McSmooth disappeared in a flash of green light as, "Just the sort of nonsense you'd expect out those wild-eyed stalker groupie types. Sheesh."
Anybody with information regarding the whereabouts of the missing actor should contact their local police department. In the meantime, just as the famous fictional character Dwerflescrud himself might have said, we can but wonder:-
Nuffa, wuffa, nobble, nee. Where in the world could he be?
