Section F: Fairy Tales & Physicists

Chapter 9

Fields hadn't really known what sort of destination to expect, but it would be fair to say the garish, red and yellow, neon-bedecked establishment, in front of which Peregrine had just parked Pearl, wasn't it.

"So, this entity of yours—it works at a pizza place?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Fields. The entity is a highly evolved, pan-dimensional, hyper-intelligent, transcendental being, a consciousness whose awareness spans the multiverse. Do you really think it's going to work at a pizza place?"

"Um, no?"

"Of course not. Besides, I'm pretty sure it's lactose intolerant."

The aspirin Fields had found in Featherstone's bathroom cabinet had taken the edge off his headache, but he was starting to wish he'd found—and taken—something a little stronger. "Right. Of course it is," he muttered. With a weary rub of his eyes, he forced his brain to process what Peregrine had just said (apart from the lactose intolerant bit). "Listen, if what you're telling me is true, and this entity thing of yours really is spread across the...the multiverse—and you're really, totally sure about that—well then, I guess that means there really must be a multiverse. That Featherstone's theories might actually be right. That Embers and the witch and Captain Comatose here"—he jerked a thumb at the inert prince—"might actually be from different universes."

"Well Fields, not to put too fine a point on it—duh. What the hell did you think was going on?"

"I don't bloody know, do I? Five minutes ago, I was running around the mean streets of the city, bringing down the kind of bad guys who you very definitely don't get in fairy tales. When your first day on the job hits you with inter-dimensional princesses and warty witches from other worlds, it's hard not be a little sceptical. I guess I thought there would be some other explanation—you know, Occam's razor and all that kind of stuff. I just hadn't figured out what it was yet. It would have helped if you'd told me the concept of whole other universes is old news."

Peregrine sighed. "You're right, partner. I'm sorry. When you deal with this stuff day in and day out, you tend to forget how clueless the noobs are—no offence. Listen, alternate universes, other worlds, interdimensional creatures, all that kind of stuff—they are old news. At least they are in Section F, anyway. Hell, they're pretty much what Section F are for."

"So, people like Featherstone, and his party tricks—they're old news, too?"

Peregrine ran a hand through her short, unruly hair, a look of uncharacteristic concern on her face. "I wish. Fields, there's always been a certain amount of...leakage from other worlds into ours. And obviously the other way around too, otherwise old Pearl here wouldn't be quite so awesome." She brushed a minuscule speck of dust from the gleaming dashboard. "And half my caseload is cleaning up the consequences. But, for want of a better word, that kind of leakage is natural—it's accidental, unintended, and for the most part, unpredictable. You know—it comes from wormholes, portals, spontaneous dimensional breaches and so on. All that sort of crap."

Fields stared at her. "You call that natural?"

"Well, yeah," continued Peregrine. "The multiverse is a messy place. Shit happens. But with Featherstone and the princesses, it's different. In this case, he's deliberately, specifically and successfully importing stuff from other worlds. Like, on purpose. I've never seen that before."

Embers gave a little sniff. "Stuff? Really, Peregrine?"

"Whoops. Sorry, Big E. But the point is, he's bringing in things he wants to bring in. Intentionally. Nothing random about it. Oh sure, it's princesses and witches now. But what's next? What if he's a D&D nerd and decides to import a dragon? Or King Kong? Or Godzilla, or a version of Hitler, or a killer cyborg or a flying, tentacled doughnut-monster or whatever? If everything is out there, then I guess, theoretically at least, he can bring in anything. Think about that, Fields. Anything. At all."