The Mistake That Broke Me

Chapter Forty Five: You Love Me?

"What if he never wakes up?" I ask. I can't help but think of all the worst possibilities. It's only natural, right?

The doctor sighs. "That is a possibility, and I don't want to instill any false hope. It's important to discuss all possibilities and all options."

I let out a breath and nod.

I'm going to just choose to hold on to the hope that I'm clinging to.

"As of now, all we can do is make sure he's comfortable and healing well. He might be able to hear you, so you can talk to him if you choose to. It might even help him wake up." The doctor says, offering a small smile before standing up from his chair.

"Okay, thank you so much Doctor Kindley."

"No problem, I'm just doing my job. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask the nurses to fetch me. I'm never too far away." He tells me before leaving me.

I sink deeper into my chair as I look at Colton. "Please wake up." I whisper.

* * *

Five days have passed and Colton's wounds are healing up nicely, or so the doctor says, any way. The more his body heals the higher chance he could be waking up soon, and I'm more anxious than ever.

Waiting is something that's particularly hard to do, especially in a situation such as this. It's slow and painful, and it becomes even worse when my own thoughts turn against me.

I guess the only thing keeping me sane is my hope.

It's such a temporary savior - hope.

It induces a certain comfort into myself, it keeps me cradled in the arms of reassurance and it makes my conscious days at least a little brighter.

And it's something I refuse to let go.

I've been showing up to work to help get my mind off of things, and then I go and visit Colton in the evenings. Dagger has been kind to me, he's been very understanding. I've noticed he's caught a lady's eye, as he's been all giddy towards a pretty woman with darker skin and a small Afro. I'm happy for him, he deserves to be happy after what he's endured with his last wife.

I peek through the curtain that hides me backstage, and I smile as I watch Dagger and the woman flirt and laugh with each other. They seem to be blissfully unaware that they like each other, even though it is so obvious.

It kind of reminds me of Colton and I - with less flirting and less.....feelings being shown. Colton was always like a stone, but when I dug down deeper, I found pure gold. He would give me the cutest smiles, the best laughs, and those little flirtatious winks every once in awhile.

That's why I say it's like gold. Genuine gold is rare, and Colton is no exception. Gold can be found buried deep within soil and covered in dirt. But once the dirt is washed away, its true worth is shown.

I sigh as I pull back the curtain and disappear backstage. I have to admit that it feels nice to start singing again.

It helps with my anxiety and I've also been writing song lyrics lately to release my emotions in a healthy way. I refused to thrash my room like I had done not too long ago, I needed to deal with my emotions in better ways.

I'm just a little nervous to share the songs I've written to the public, because these songs are a piece of me. They are a glimpse into my dark, haunting mind and I fear people might be turned away by them. But I've got to test the waters eventually, and now would be a good time to do so. 

It feels good to have the guitar in my hands, the one that I had repaired myself. It seems as if it's a piece of me now.

I'm wiping the dust off of it backstage, just before my performance when Dagger enters.