SWEET CAPTIVITY

CHAPTER 11

Laying in my bed that night I replayed the events slowly in my head. Shit was getting crazier by the minute. I didn't want, didn't need an accomplice but from the looks of shit this dude would play a big part in all of my plans. My head ached from the events I'd endured earlier that day. Seeing that blanket laid on top of Queso's lifeless body took a toll on me. I'd done crazy shit in my life but this by far had my head fucked up. I felt like I was caught in a whirlwind of unexplained events. I'd committed a murder and came to prison just to kill a motha fucka. I was so caught up in anemosity and hatred towards Gabe for ruining my life that i didn't realize he was fucking me over even more. I was never going to be able to fulfill my purpose, give the world my talents or live life and have a family because I'd simply allowed myself to focus so much on ruining someone else's dreams and life. Fuck it I was going to go out with a bang, I was going to make sure Gabe died a slow painful death. I could remember every night, his smell and the way he would look away while molesting me. I could remember always staring him in his face thinking I would kill him if I could figure out how to be like the superheroes on the pajamas I wore. I had a different type of mother she was always a thinker, but she was also as scared as me. When she found out what Gabe had been doing to me she sent me away telling Gabe I was too much to handle. I grew up from the age of 8 until 20 when I moved back into town right after the death of Gabe juniors mom. That story was headlined for more than 2 months.  They called Gabe "A friends enemy." He'd known those people for so long and the whole time he was the one who had their daughter. My mom was disgusted telling me we still had to follow through with our own plans. Selfish she was, she had multiple opportunities to kill Gabe yet she left that up to me. I was older now and I had to not only kill Gabe for me but for her. She hated the fact that Gabe never settled with her. Jealous of a child, she'd known of Sweet's true age, known of Sweet's existence but like a coward she never went forward. Plenty of times she could have dealt with him, when I told her he'd molested me, when I went away for years. Instead, she'd fallen deeper in love with him, fabricating the truth saying that she'd only got closer so his guard could be that much more diluted. I'd come through the womb of a weak woman who'd let a weaker man assist her in the making of me. But I wasn't shit like them, I was strong. I would follow through with my mothers "wish" I hadn't killed her because I was just like her, a thinker. I would kill Gabe and call her bluff allowing her to die lonelier than she was now. Putting on a act not wanting to admit Gabe was the only man who would give her tired ass the time of day. Swearing that she wanted him dead but on those trips to see him I know she really wanted him alive. I know she took those long drives in hopes that one day he would say "My appeal was approved." I was no dummy this bitch had shipped me off to get closer to this man. She'd swore it was all in her plan but what she never paid attention to was my plan. Life happens like that sometimes we pay attention to our own dreams while putting off the dreams of others in hopes that their dreams will not surpass ours. We focus so much on reaching our goals that we get sidetracked of our purposes in life. We burnout our bridges with those same people who would be beneficial to us executing our plans. Stuck living lives that weren't destined for us but we still chase after them simply because we've adapted, not with the comfort but with the fear of change. I was never destined to be a killer but I was going to chase after every soul that knowingly played a part in me being cheated out of my purpose. From childhood my mind was conformed into a dark abyss that excited me and the light that sat deep within was scared to shine through that blackness. Molestation, neglect, abandonment, extreme situations that left me to mature overnight and a sense of no hope. I was so scared to grow and leave the past in the past that as days went by from my youth to my manhood, I carried my problems with me so I could solve them on my time. We are born into the world with a mother and father. Sometimes when two individually make love and create a baby their souls are said to merge and the bad or good is instilled in that child. That baby grows for 9 months enduring the bad or good energy that both parents put out or take in. No one knows why children grow up to be suicidal, homicidal, gay, straight, racist, fascist, peacemakers or terrorist. Nor does anyone take the time out to think what energy was put out in the tender years of that child's life. Our souls are meant to find peace yet we seek tragedy instead. I knew that there was no hope for me finding peace. I knew tragedy had become my wife and until death did us part I would be a faithful husband and make the bitch proud. I was a victim seed born into the world with two parents full of despair. There was no hope for me, as I drifted off to sleep only thing that constantly played in my head was we live to die. We don't know how we don't know when we just know that that day will come. I knew the death dates of two people still walking this earth. They gave me life and I would give them death.