I've been telling myself for years that I wasn't good enough and the minute I'm finally ready to commit the deed...to die...life won't fucking let me.
That's because life hates me.
I left my past life behind me and now I'm being brought back into it...
I run to my mother and jump in her arms, she laughs and hoists me up. I giggle like crazy and I can hear my father laughing in the background.
My two brothers are laying on the grass pointing up at the sky, making fun of the clouds and the different shapes.
She hugs me closely and we stay like this for a while.
" Take care of your brothers sweetie," she whispers.
" What are you talking about mommy?"
Then red clouds my vision and gunshots can be heard. I cry out and the next thing I know my father and mother are on the ground with blood swallowing them whole.
I cry out and keep crying until everything goes black.
I gasp and hold onto my chest breathing rigidly.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Think happy thoughts.
What's so happy to think about?
Shut up.
I look out my window to see the sun rising and I groan realizing it's Monday. School is fucking shit. It's dumb and stupid and there's no point of going. Right?
You kinda need a degree to get a job dumbass.
Will you just shut up?
I swoop my legs over the side of my bed and take the pills from my bedside swallowing them whole with a glass of water.
I get ready doing my usual routine wearing a basic outfit.
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I yawn and head out the door to my boring life.
Here's what happened today~ •I went to school and obviously went through some of the most boring classes and lectures •I have two essays due and a project by the end of the week •I couldn't stop thinking about my brothers and what gang they're in •I can't get that Ace guy out of my head •I hung out with Carter and my other friend Ariana and during lunch we went bowling with some other college boys I don't know the names to •One of said college boys gave me his number which I threw away
Now I'm at my job taking orders as a server for people. I knew I had to go back to serving at some point, but I didn't realize it had to be this soon.
Tonight I have to go see my brothers in the hospital. I have to say goodbye to them. The doctors told me they don't have that much time left and their bodies can only sustain so much. Their brain activity is little to none and the chances of them coming back are 5%. When I've said my goodbyes I'll be too unstable. That's when I'll finally commit the deed. I'll finally be free and die.
My thoughts are chewing me out and I replay my parents murder every single day in my head. All my flaws and imperfections are just there, showcased for everyone to see. I want to be the girl that everyone loves and has friends. That's what people make me out to be. But, I'm not. The point is I want to live. I want to grow old with the stupid person I'll love and have kids. That won't ever happen with me though.
I'm too broken for anyone to love me.
I wish I could go back in time. Correct what I did wrong. I would go back and save the people I...hurt.
Yeah that's the word.
I continue washing down tables and put a smile on my face to the new customers walking in.
Tap. Tap.
I look back to see the one and only Ace smiling at me with his stupid gorgeous face.
" Hey April,"
" Hey um Ace...what are you doing here?" I say trying to not sound awkward.
What the fuck is he doing here? Oh god he's a stalker. Why the hell did I give him my number again.
Because you're a dumbass remember.
Right.
" I ordered food from here before and I saw you...I was wondering if you wanted to go out soon?" He asks.
No. Wait back up. He's definitely planning something. He's fidgeting with his hands and he's rocking his feet back a forth. For someone being dangerous and a person that my brothers hate he doesn't seem to know how to hide when he's nervous.
I have the upper hand though. He doesn't know that I know who he is. So I have to go on a date with him. This is the only way to find out.
Can't you just ask your brothers?
Do you think they'll tell me?
Maybe. Oh wait never mind they just don't care about you.
I crack my knuckles and clench my teeth. Way to make me feel better inner voice in my mind.
You're welcome.
" Yeah sure is tonight good?" I ask turning my back to him to wipe down the table.
" Yeah um tonight sounds perfect..." he mutters.
" Where do you wanna go then?" I ask.
" It's a surprise just give me your address and I'll pick you up at 8:00,"
He takes his phone out and hands it to me to put my address in. I wearily take it and put it in. I don't know if I should be trusting him. Hell I don't even know why I'm doing this.
" Thanks see you tonight princess," he shouts while walking away.
" Don't call me that!" I shout back.
Time to put my plan into action.
Authors note~ I know I promised to update every weekday, but things in school so far are kinda hectic so my posting schedule may be messed up.
Also thanks so much for a thousand reads I can't believe people are actually reading my book. Byeee.
