E M P T Y - A Sanders Sides Story

L O N E L Y

Point of View: Roman, First Person
Timeline: Present Day, New Years Eve

"Night Virge," I hummed, sliding into bed next to him.  Virgil gave a noise of acknowledgement.  Virgil shifted closer to me, but his eyes stayed shut - not quite asleep but almost.  I chuckled at that, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his cheek.  Virgil didn't respond - unconsciously shifting to get closer to me.

I closed my eyes, exhausted from the long day I'd had.  The day was a blur and I wanted nothing more than to just hold my soulmate in my arms.  I hummed a small lullaby as I slowly drifted off...

"Ro!" Virgil suddenly cried out and I immediately woke back up.  Virgil was crying and shaking.

"Hey, it's okay! I'm right here it was just a nightmare," I coaxed, trying to blink away the sleep from my eyes.

"No. Ro, look!" Virgil thrust his wrist towards me - 

His wrist didn't have my name, it was blank.

"What?" I gasped, checking my own wrist.

My wrist still had Virgil's name, but it was quickly fading.  I yelped, grabbing my wrist and quietly pleading for it stay.  But it kept growing fainter and fainter and my vision blurred from my tears and by the time they fell Virgil's name was gone, leaving my wrist unbearably blank.  I cried out, looking over at Virgil to see that he was gone -

I gasped, eyes flying open and breathing heavily in my bed.  I reached forward and my heart sank when I realized that other side of my bed was empty...

I sighed and halfheartedly gripped the sheets next to me.  As terrible as the nightmare had been, realizing the truth in it sometimes hurt worse.  I double-checked my left wrist, confirming that Virgil's name was still there.  And even though my name wasn't on Virgil's wrist, his remained on mine - like the universe was playing some sort of sick joke.

Virgil actually didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing, not having a name and all.  When I talked to him about it, he just shrugged and said 'can't really be upset, when you don't know what you lost.'  I had just nodded in agreement... and cried into my pillow that night.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it - why did Virgil not have my name on his wrist when I had his? Did the universe make a mistake? Where was my name?

"Ro?" Virgil poked his head sleepily into my bedroom.  He squinted at me in the darkness.  "You okay?"

"Uh yeah, I'm fine," I returned sitting up.  "Just a nightmare, that's all."

Virgil didn't seem convinced.  He strolled in, collapsing at the end of my bed.  "Come on, Princey.  Seriously, talk to me.  I want to help."

I exhaled harshly, running a hand through my hair.  "I'm sorry, but you just can't."

"Please, at least tell me what it's about," Virgil argued, adjusting to sit cross-legged at the end of my bed.  "Is this about me not having a soulmate?"

I hesitated.

"Princey, I told you I'm fine - really," Virgil grabbed my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.  "I'm not lying to you, I really am okay.  There are plenty of people without soulmates for all sorts of reasons.  I've got plenty of other reason to live for," Virgil finished, nudging me slightly.

"Yeah," I agreed but even I couldn't pretend to happy.  No, not about this.

"What about you, Sir Sing A Lot," Virgil nudged me again.  "Why haven't you gone and found your soulmate yet?  Why haven't you gone off to find your prince and serenade him with rose petals and songbirds?"  Virgil teased.

I immediately shook my head.  "No," I returned firmly.  "No."

Virgil seemed shocked by my response to his question.  But he respected me not wanting to talk about it, instead choosing silence.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," I said, kicking off the sheets.  I gave Virgil a two finger-salute, before dissapearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind me - exhausted.

I flopped unceremoniously onto the floor and dropping my head into my hands, not wanting to move.  I just wanted to sit here and be sad and confused and lonely...

A light tapping came on the door.  "Ro? I - I'm sorry if I upset you, I didn't mean to.  I'm just want to help."

I tried to laugh at that but it came out more like a sob.  I didn't trust my voice enough to respond.

"If you want to talk, I'll be in my room.  Come in anytime.  Really," he added, and I heard his footsteps patter away from the bathroom door towards his own room.

I sighed, getting to my feet and staring at the pitiful sight that was my reflection.  The man in the mirror looked... pathetic.

I quickly looked away, my eyes instead naturally going to my wrist, to Virgil's name.  I cried silently as I traced the letters on by one out of pure instinct.

Was this my destiny? To lonely?  Forever?  To watch my soulmate fall for someone new?

Maybe I should just tell Virgil.  If he sees his name, maybe then he'll understand! We can be together and yes!  Yes, who am I kidding - he's my soulmate! We were meant to be together! This is how it's supposed to go! Who cares if Virgil doesn't have my name on his wrist?  I don't, and it doesn't matter -

What if Virgil suddenly wakes up to a different name on his wrist?

I thought hit me like a train and all my thoughts of heroism and love came to a screeching halt.  Maybe Virgil would want to wait... and what would happen if Virgil did end up with a different name on his wrist? I mean, it was a incredibly rare scenario, but after all of this I don't find myself doubting it. And what if the person on his wrist had him back? Then he would just feel so guilty and I... and I don't want to hurt him like that.

Besides, Virgil... he doesn't see me like that.  Oh gosh, this back and forth is driving me insane - tell him, don't tell him, tell him, don't tell him.  Gosh, maybe I deserve to be alone...

I looked around the room, looking for anything that could help, I need to stop, I need to stop thinking, please dear God please let me stop thinking -

My eyes landed on the unlit candle on the sink.

...

Maybe...

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