Collided (currently discontinued)

Collided- Chapter Thirteen

Edited

Published: Friday, May 31st 2019 5:35 am

Jummah Mubarak!!!

March 13th

          On the day of the vigil I found myself walking downstairs, unable to sleep. I don't know why, but I couldn't find a reason. I felt tired, sure, but apparently not enough to lay my head down. This hasn't happened a lot since I was a kid. Many times Ummi or Abi would find me sitting in the kitchen with a sandwich and a glass of juice in front of me. They would smile and urge me back to sleep, but not until I had at least finished one half of my sandwich. If possible, we would never waste a bit of food.

          Eventually, they stopped coming downstairs and instead left me to dine alone. I didn't mind considering I was already interrupting their sleep and having them make sure I wasn't an intruder. But every so often one of them would sigh deeply and try to get me to talk about why I wasn't up to sleeping. I would shrug my shoulders and continue eating, and minutes later they would walk away in defeat. You would think after years of this becoming my new schedule that they would give up trying to convince me, but no. If anything as the years went by, they tried harder.

          As I descended the last steps, it became clear that the kitchen light was on and someone was in there. Their shadow moved as if they were writing yet without a sound. I sighed with relief when I became close enough to get a good look.

          "What are you doing down here at this time?" I asked, moving to the counter to get what I needed for some cereal. Tehreem ignored me and continued to tap her fingers on the table in thought. "Nervous about your trip?" I tried again, which earned me an eye roll from her and a deep sigh. She shifted in her seat and began to twist her back around almost painfully.

          After a minute, Tehreem finally noticed my eyes on her. "I'm fine." She tried to tell me, but I didn't buy it. No one who moves the way that she just had and is anywhere near fine, and I told her as much. She only chuckled. "You would think that I would know my body more than anyone else." She smirked. "It's really okay."

          "That's what you said last time.". I sat across from her and placed my food in front of me. "I'm not one of your kids. You don't have to lie to protect me."

           "You're the only one who thinks it's a lie," she replied, with a pained smile. "Can't sleep?"

            "Is it obvious?" I sighed. I didn't even feel tired, only restless. It felt like there was something that I had to do but I was forgetting it. My mind wouldn't calm no matter how many times it to. Maybe it is really hopeless to try and change anything about this. I'm just doomed to never sleep peacefully.

          "Oh honey." Tehreem reached over and grabbed my hand, rubbing it gently with the pad of her thumb. "You shouldn't be sleep deprived like this. It isn't healthy."

          "I know," I agreed. She's right, it isn't healthy. But this is what I have. This is my life and will be forever... "But I can't change it, at least not now."

          Her eyes were soft. "Why not?"

          "I don't know," I shrugged. "Maybe i'm bend help. Maybe there is no cure."

           "Insomnia is actually very common," She told me. "It can be helped with the right treatment. You can get better at sleep."

           "I've tried," I replied. It was the first time tonight that I sounded tired, my voice laced with badly wanted sleep. I was exhausted but didn't feel like sleeping. None of it made sense but it also made all of the sense in the world. "I've tried pills are so many other things. Nothing works."