...To Begin Again {Roman Reigns}

Official

The drive back to Joe's was all a blur to me. I could hear Renee, Kelly, and my mom talking around me but I just couldn't focus long enough to catch any parts of what they where saying. I was just so confused. Kaiser didn't show any signs of an abusive man, and lord knows I had given him plenty of reasons to be abusive in the time we had been together. He not once raised his hand to me, raised his voice in anger, or ever acted in a manner that would lead anyone to believe he was an abusive man. In my mind that was scary. It was if he had been walking around like a ticking time bomb just waiting on the perfect time to blow. I guess I should've been grateful that when her finally exploded Swayze and myself wasn't around to feel the brunt of it. But I just couldn't feel that way because in my absence another female had to bear the force of his abuse. Even though Sasha had been the other woman, she didn't deserve to be man handled. It wasn't right and I just couldn't shake the feeling of sadness that washed over me for her.

Renee pulled the SUV into Joe's driveway and we all exited the car. All their eyes where on me as they had been for the past 45 minutes because I just didn't know what to say. I was at a loss for words and it was so out of character. We walked through the front door one by one - Renee leading, my mom in front of me, then Kelly bringing in the rear. I could hear the rumble of male voices coming from the kitchen, and the tones where ones of anger and worry. Everyone took a right to head down the hall towards the voice, while I headed straight for the steps.

"Wynonna? Where are you going honey?" Mom's voice sounded, the sudden talking in the kitchen halting as footsteps sounded on the hardwood floors.

"Nonna?" I heard Joe's voice in the distance, sounding strained from worry.

"I uh," I cleared my throat as I walked up a few steps and turned looking up, "I just need to be alone for a minute."

"Wy, c'mon, I understand this is all just a bit overwhelming but babe, I don't want you to be alone." Kelly replied, stepping towards the bottom of the steps. "Your just going to get lost in your head and come up with some crazy reason as to why this is your fault when it isn't."

"How do you know that?" I asked as I looked into my best friends eyes.

"What?" Mom asked lowly, in disbelief.

"Wynonna you are not to blame for any of his psychotic actions." Kelly shot out.

"What's going on?" Jon's voice asked as the men entered the foyer.

"My leaving triggered something in him." I replied, looking away from all of their eyes. "I took Swayze from him and he just lost it. I-" I took in breath trying to calm myself. "I did this."

"Hey." Joe's voice sounded as he moved passed everyone, coming towards me. "Don't talk like that." He reach for me, causing me to back up the steps away from him.

"I just need to be alone." I replied looking into Joe's eyes. "Swayze?"

"Nonna." Joe whispered, conflicting emotions swimming in his eyes.

"Where is she?" I asked frantically.

"She's up in her room, taking a nap sis." Jon spoke, eyeing me cautiously. "I can come up with you and-"

"No." I held my hands up as he took a step away from Renee. "I just want a minute." My eyes danced over everyone in the foyer, turning toward the front door as it opened to reveal Colby, Pam, Trinity, Jon and Josh. "Please just, give me a minute."

I turned and dashed up the steps and out of their eye sight, thankful I didn't hear any footsteps behind me. I walked quickly down the hall and to the door I was told lead to Swayze's room, opening it quietly and sliding inside, closing it back. I let out a breath as I looked at my daughters sleeping form on her bed. She was wrapped in a beautiful purple blanket, her brown curls laying over her pillow in every way possible, her thumb was in her mouth and her free arm clutched onto her beloved Goofy doll. I let my purse drop quietly to the floor as I kicked off my vans, walking over to the bed. I gently slide into the bed next to her, carefully wrapping her in my arms, holding her as she slept. My beautiful baby girl. She was innocent in all this and I had pulled her in the middle by my stupid pride. She was so young and didn't understand just how big a impact this would all have in her life. She loved both Kaiser and Joe, and they equally loved her. I had created such a huge mess and yes I felt guilty for everything that happened to Sasha. Even though the rational part of my brain was telling me it wasn't my fault, a part of my heart felt responsible.