You Were Supposed To Save Me From Myself (Chris Motionless)

New Perspective

My mind drifted from place to place until I began to make out blurred shapes and I felt that I was being lifted up. I soon shrank back down into my deep sleep. I felt like I was dreaming yet I couldn't recognise anybody. I began to see a small light and it became clearer and clearer as I stepped towards it. It was beautiful, magical through my eyes. I wanted to see more. Suddenly my eyes fluttered open and a dark shadow was hovering above me. I was scared really scared. I couldn't recall what had happened in the events that followed up to my deep sleep but I felt threatened. Someone was near me. With me. I clutched at a black fabric type substance. It felt like cotton. I then closed my eyes as tight as I could and tried to steady my breathing. I felt something on my head and realised that the shadow had got a lot closer to me.

"Flo? you awake baby?" I heard a familiar smooth voice ask. I allowed my eyes to slowly open and I tipped my head back to see where the voice had come from. It was him. I could recognise that voice from anywhere. Like liquid caramel it was.

I stared up at my saviour and realised I was clinging to him like a baby. He must've scooped me up off of the floor and I was now sat on his lap. I gave him a weak smile and buried my face into his chest once more. He smelt so good. His scent was amazing.

"Can you speak flo?" he asked me. "Yeah, what's happening?" I mumbled. "I'll tell you later yeah? I just need to get you home, I'll explain then. The guys have gone back to yours, I'm taking you back to mine so you can get more rest." he said soothingly before kissing my forehead. I felt tingles from his touch, and I immediately felt loved. Like someone cared. " Okay then. " I said before he scooped me up once more and I was in his arms as he walked. Then I heard a car door open and close. Then it was silent for a second or two. A car door opened to my left and he was in the car with me.

"Just sleep babes." he said in my ear and he wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and I smiled. The smooth purr of the engine soon began and I drifted off once more.

I woke up. It was dark all around me and I couldn't see a thing. I began to panic. IT WAS DARK. WHERE WAS HE? I began to shake and I could feel my heart-rate begin to accelerate. I looked around in the shadows to the room. I couldn't breathe properly, I could feel the walls coming in on me, getting closer and closer. I felt a warm trickle crawl down my face towards my chin. Tears. Or was it something else. I panicked more, twisting and turning. SHAKING. My heart was pounding against my rib cage. FASTER AND FASTER. i could feel my legs trembling as much as my teeth were. More and more. FASTER AND FASTER. By this time tears were pouring freely down my face without a problem. I had to stop this. It wasn't real. I had to calm down. I suddenly clutched my shaking thigh and dug my sharp nails into it as hard as I could. I screamed into the pillow next to me to stop anyone hearing. I did it again and again and again. Until my thigh was raw and I could smell blood. It wasn't working. I couldn't calm down this time. What was wrong with me? LAST RESORT...

"HELP!" I cried as loud as I could. "PLEASE HELP ME, I NEED HELP!"

Suddenly I heard a pounding sound and it got louder and louder as it approached my door. I could see a dark figure rushing towards me in the equally dark room. It went beside me and suddenly a bright light dazzled me. It soon became clear that I was sat in a double bed in an unfamiliar looking bedroom. There was a dim lamp beside me and I looked up to discover a terrified Chris staring back at me. He came from behind me and clutched me in his strong arms.

"Shh baby, it's okay now. Chris is here." he kept saying in a soft voice over and over in my ear. My tears kept flowing not because I was panicking, but in embarrassment. I grabbed his arms that we're around my shoulders tightly, I didn't want him to leave again. Neither of us said a word for a while, we just sat in silence so that I could calm down and slow my heart-rate. About 10 minutes past and I looked up at him but he was looking down at something else. By his horrified expression, I think I knew what it was.

"Flo?" was all he could manage to say.

I looked down in shame. I'd did it again, i had relapsed. "I'm sorry Chr-" I began but I couldn't continue as he had hugged me tighter and my breath was momentarily taken away when he kissed me on the forehead. He took a moment to assess the damage done to my thigh, sighed and said "come on, let's get you cleared up." he didn't shout, he wasn't even angry. I knew that he had had to deal with this before...he had experience. He picked me up again and took me out of the room, down a dark hallway and into a brightly light bathroom.

"Sit here flo" he said and sat my down on the side of the bath next to the toilet. He then kissed my forehead once more and went over to the cabinet in the far corner of the bright room. While he was getting some band aids, I took a moment to observe the beauty of the room. Black and red striped wallpaper covered all walls up to about waist height, then a nice black colour covered up to the ceiling. A few dark paintings hung on the far wall above the sink. They were beautiful, of old fashioned young women in big elaborate dresses. Black tiles also lined the floor. He brought over a large band-aid, before running some warm water in the sink. He came back and sat beside me on the toilet and got a flannel soaked in warm water.

"Put your leg up here" he said indicating to his lap, so I did and he began carefully cleaning my thigh, wiping all the blood off. It really stung and I winced now and again. He just kept continuing to apologise.

"Don't apologise Chris, it has to be done. I'm so sorry Chris. I feel such an idiot right now." I said and looked at the floor. A tear ran down my face once again and he stopped cleaning and carefully lifted my chin up with his hand.

"Never ever apologise for who you are or what you do okay?" He said sternly, looking me straight in the eye. He then wiped away my tears with his finger and brought my face closer to his and kissed me on the cheek. "We all do things we regret" he said and rolled up his sleeve to reveal his scars. I stared down at them and although I knew he didn't do it anymore, I still felt upset for him and I could tell from the mixed emotions on his face that he too did regret what he had done. Now it was my turn to be supportive.

"Ch-Chris," I began. He looked up at me and I clutched his face in my hands and kissed his forehead. "Please don't ever feel the need or urge to do that again. I'm here now okay? and if anything or anyone that bothers, you talk to me okay? promise me that" I said staring into his dark hazel eyes. I bent down to his wrist and kissed his scars. I went to sit up again but out of the corner of my eye I saw a splash of water on his wrist. He was crying. Without hesitation, I grabbed him and cuddled him as tight as I could and he embraced it. I didn't say a word, we just sat and cuddled. And I felt him trembling and my shoulder began to get wet. After a while the trembling stopped and he pulled away but he put our heads together so that our foreheads and noses were touching.

"Nobody has ever said that to me before." he whimpered. "I didn't think anyone cares or gave a shit."

" Of course I care Chris, I care a lot okay?" I replied

"Thankyou baby" he said and we cuddled again.

"Let's get you cleaned up" he said and returned to cleaning my wound.