You Were Supposed To Save Me From Myself (Chris Motionless)

His Perspective

Chris' PoV
She just stood there and let him say that. Was it true? Had she already promised her heart to someone else? I didn't know what to think but the tension between us on the long walk to Starbucks was suffocating. We barely said a word to each other and in all honesty, I didn't want to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter. I just want this day to be over, my blood was boiling. She ordered a large chocolate muffin but had barely taken two bites...I was too angry to eat. We sat in silence and it took all of my strength not to explode at her in the middle of the busy shopping mall. I don't know why I get like this, I get these feelings like I want to cause some serious damage but I know if she ever saw my real self, I would loose her forever. Got to keep a lid on it! I told myself. I adjusted my sight, over to where she was sitting and I could tell from her body language that she felt totally innocent in all of this. I felt the rage inside me rising...STOP! FUCKING STOP IT, I scolded myself. She didn't dare look up and I knew she could sense my anger, I was almost shaking with it! I had to know if it was true! "IS IT TRUE?!" I snapped suddenly, taking both me and her by surprise. "What are you talking about?" She replied. She clearly knew what I was asking...she was trying her hardest to piss me off even MORE. I totally lost it and my hand came crashing down with force on the table and the people next to us turned around with concerned expressions. "You and lover boy?" I questioned sarcastically. "were you going to marry him?" With that I looked back down at the empty table where my food should've been. "No of course not, I said no Chris!" She replied trying to make eye contact with me but failed miserably. "You should've told me! Do you still have feelings for him? How long were you together?" I interrogated as if she was a criminal, I was still so angry. "No I don't have feelings for him and just over a- . Hold on, why are you asking so many questions? It doesn't even matter anymore, it didn't work out with him. End of story. " she replied defensively, clearly has something to hide from me. I looked down at the table the whole time, I surprisingly don't like confrontation. "I don't know, I'm just concerned that's all...just want the best for you" I lied. She sat for a moment and then spoke "BULLSHIT!" She spat "why are you like this? You've known me what, a few days? You don't own me Chris and the sooner you realise that the bloody better. " She continued and with that she slammed $3 on the table for the muffin I bought and walked off out of the closely packed mall. She can't walk away like that! The anger and abandonment raged inside me and I gained more unwanted attention from the public when I once again punched the table I was sat at and stormed off after her.

When I caught up with her she was stood against the truck "can I get a ride home please? I'll have to get my stuff from yours first but then you can tak-" I cut her off by grabbing her waist and kissing her as hard as I could. I honestly didn't know what else to do to make her see I was sorry. I had done a lot of thinking on my solo walk. I could feel the electricity as our lips made contact and for a moment she was kissing me back and it felt like heaven....then she pushed me off her. I pinned her there and slammed my hand inches away from her head. "What's your fucking problem?!" I shouted in the cold quaint parking lot. I stomped round and got in the truck. "My problem? What's the deal man? I know literally nothing about you and you want to know all this stuff about me? It doesn't work that way!" She shouted as she too got in the truck but trailed off at the end. She looked down at her lap. I think I hurt her but I can't possibly tell her about my past, it's too much. I stalled a moment to think of a reply that wouldn't hurt her feelings "I'm sorry okay?" I said with slightly less aggression in my voice "there's just some things best left unsaid, you wouldn't want to know me if I told you..." I said sadly, looking away from her. "I'm just trying to figure you out okay? I thought me and you had a break through last night? I thought you were opening up to me...I thought you liked me. I was soo wrong!" She said angrily. I went to speak but was cut off once more "just take me home Chris, there's been too much drama between us these last few days, I need to be alone right now. " she said sadly but firmly and our eyes locked momentarily and I knew straight away how scared she was at my behaviour throughout the day. She got her things and I dropped her back at Ryan's in silence.

To be honest, I scared myself. I'm scared of everything and everyone. I'm terrified of life in general. Yet I know I must fight for that girl, last night and this morning shone light on the happiness I could have with her and just holding her last night gave me reason to carry on, and for once in my life move forwards and not backwards. I just can't tell her about me. I can't let her see the monster that is cut so deeply into my soul that I can't shake it. I sat on my bed thinking about all the terrible events of my life and contemplating whether I should call her or not? To just tell her everything and hope for the best?  No...no I can't. I gathered my thoughts and decided to go and straighten up the spare bed. I found the black dress she wore at the club, all screwed up in a ball near the closet. I sat down on the bed and held it in my hands smelling her scent on it. I suddenly felt a wave of doubt deep in the pit of my stomach and was overwhelmed with guilt. What was I playing at today? I felt so awful now. I got into the spare bed and curled up in a ball gripping at the dress like I was metaphorically gripping to our fucked up relationship by a dwindling thread. Was it even a relationship? I was going to ask her today before everything happened. At that moment, I began to tear up and sniffed. I had ruined everything today. With that, the hours rolled on and crying into her dress became the main agenda of my evening and before I knew it, it was dark and her face haunted my dreams...