𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞

𝟏𝟒. 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

I got up and started walking towards the entrance of the cafe, it was time for me to leave, time for me to go home and face Alice. I was walking like my shoes were too tight, making short little strutting steps like a clockwork soldier. I was walking unusually slowly, almost robotically, as if my brain was struggling to tell each foot to take the next step. It was as if I were in a stupor, like someone under hypnosis in one of those cartoons.

My mind was eagerly working to find a solution, to even find a small explanation to everything that I had just read. The other reason that triggered my walking to become slower was fear. Since I came here, to the place of my younger dreams, I hadn't felt safe or relaxed. I didn't think anyone could ever feel relaxed under so much pressure.

I was walking down the street but it was almost impossible for me to concentrate. All I could think about was James and aunt's Grace journal. The wind was brutally hitting my skin, came at me so boldly, touching me.

Wind, I had no control over it because it was not mine to control. It moved the world in a way that moved the soul. My soul. I couldn't grasp it at all. It was invisible in daybreak and nightfall but it was always there. Shaking me, hitting me, waking me up. It was like a roar to my fears, the wind was soft and lilting but yet loud and deafening.

I made my way through the empty streets until I arrived at the opposite side of my house. There it was standing undefeated, old but strong, with all kinds of secrets and piles of bodies hiding underneath it. The sudden swing of my mood made chills run down my spine. I felt so unsure about everything, even for Alice. I felt threatened even by the smallest, tiniest thing.

As soon as I walked into the house I found Alice talking with Jenny. Out of all people, she was here, I couldn't imagine any reason for her to come again to our house, and be left alone with Alice.

"What is going on?" I asked annoyed. Alice didn't even turn to look at me.

"We were just talking about your lives and about your aunt," Jenny grinned.

"Don't mind me then, continue your conversation," I walked until the couch and sat next to Alice. "So tell me Jenny, today I went for a walk at the village and an old man told me about some deaths that happened years ago. What do you know about that?" I asked her with suspicion.

For a moment it seemed as if the silence spread too fast in the room, I could almost hear the clock on the wall ticking, challenging me.

"I don't know many things, the police never found the cause of their deaths, only that they were poisoned," she assured me, using the same tone as a dentist telling a patient it would hurt just a little.

There was something puzzling in Jenny's voice, enough to send my hand to aunt's Grace journal just in case she may see it. It was like something was weighing her down on one side and her muscles were struggling to compensate for her lack of balance.

"Did you lose someone dear to you when the deaths started?" I murmured.

Jenny sat there, dominated by a profound sadness. The sorrow grew with each minute she spent in our quiet, lonely house, as if the solemn walls were reviving the memory of the losses she had encountered in a previous life. The thing was, I could understand her sadness because I had felt it, the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being totally lost.

"Everyone lost someone," she murmured. "To me it's like death by a thousand paper cuts, that's sadness to me. For every time we remember our loss it's another cut to our already damaged mind."

None of those cuts were enough to kill her, but overtime their accumulation bled her of the humanity she once had. She once was gregarious and generous natured, now she was just gaunt and melancholy. I knew it, I could see right through her, she was happy, once. Now I wasn't sure. She seemed to carry more burden that I could ever imagined.

"Who did you lose?" I asked her. She suddenly turned and looked at me with a serious yet sad look.

"I lost a part of myself, the best part if you ask me," her voice was cold yet I could see the pain in her words, like every word cut her deeper.

I didn't think that I could ever relate to a pain that big but all this time that was exactly what I was feeling. In the sadness I felt that there was no past or future. Everyday was measured from the moment of waking up and coming into reality, until my body could do no more, until sleep came to rest my weary mind.

I had learned to greet the sun like a climber greeted their rope, fingers holding on tight, despite the pain. After the death of our mum the only word I knew was pain but I learned to cope with it. Deep down I knew that the sadness flowed through my veins and deadened my mind. It was a poison to my spirit, dulling me, killing off my other emotions until it was the only one that remained. That was why I had to block it away.

"I really need to go," Jenny exclaimed. She rushed to get up but I ran behind her.

"Jenny," I whispered. She didn't turn but I knew she was listening to me. I knew she was here for a reason and I needed to find that reason. "I know that you know many things. Just because I am not saying anything doesn't mean that I am blind," I whispered in her ear as she was leaving.

It was time for me to take the matter into my own hands. It was time for me to unravel the truth at any cost.

"I am sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. You know that I love you but I can't do this Victoria, I have had enough with dad and you know it. I have been through a lot, I don't need someone else's burden because I already have mine," Alice murmured behind me. Her voice rolled over the hills in sorrowful waves. Swells of power rose up in her throat. I couldn't even tell if it was words that came from her. Her voice was like music, and grace, and the haunting feeling of knowing that her voice was brought out in a fit of rage, of pain of regret. Her hand went to her heart and her head rose.

She was right. I knew, most of all people, that she had been through a lot because I was there, I had seen everything. It wasn't nice.