Working With The Hounds

3 Hounds and a Kody: Jon's POV

I can't, I said dropping my head.

I felt her hand trying to lift my head up but I couldn't... I just couldn't look her in the eyes and say I wanted to give up on it all.

Jon.... the day I tried to take my life was the day I felt like you 3 didn't love me. I tried and tried and tried to get close to you guys to see if I was worth saving as and I figured out I wasn't. I went to my apartment and sat 1 thing out that reminded me of us 4. These glasses... Colby's letter.. and Joe's jacket. I was wearing Colby's crossfit trainers, Joe's favorite workout shirt, and my fuzzy socks you gave me. I was taking you guys with me in a way, she confessed before turning the bottle up.

Kawaii why didn't you just say something? Why hurt like that? We love you babe, I said making her laugh but I could tell that she didn't believe me.

I never stopped loving you guys but I gave up on being there for you all. And Luke... (She paused as his name just triggered a tornado of pain that he caused her) Luke was jealous of you 3 just because my parents would mention that I was asked about amongst you 3. Jon said hey or Colby sent this or Joe misses you or Jon had a break down and Colby was in a bad place career wise but nothing was said about Joe going through what he went through. I never want to hear you say you can't do something because you can!, she said to me and at that point she made me realize that we needed to protect each other no matter what.

We were ok with you not saying anything back but we were happy to know that you did support us. Something you never stopped doing but when we saw Kody that day in your parents kitchen.. we were so love strucked when you walked in and started tending to him that we got emotional when you left. Like you had him! You had a little human and he just as precious and perfect as we thought he'd be. We didn't judge you nor your situation but I couldn't sit and hear him feel like this.. it took me back to our talks and every night I'd wish I could just die just so they could see that the divorce screwed me up. It hurt me so bad that my own dad hated me. Kawaii I'm so sorry!, I half yelled.

Kawaii pulled me into a hug that felt like forgiveness and strength. She held on to me tightly as I frantically wrapped my arms around her so that I could feel safe. I didn't care about being a grown man crying or a wrestler but being an Uncle to Kody and a better friend and brother to Kawaii. She made me confess things that Joe and Colby knew nothing about but I knew she would make me tell them.

I grabbed the bottle of Whiskey and dranked it halfway down and handed it to her. We sat and talked for maybe another 2 hours when she stood up and stumbled over a bit.

Go home Kiki you're drunk, I said earning some laughter from her.

Yes I am and I feel good... This moment feels good. Whenever you need a drink.. call me ok? But talk to the guys and create that bond that we have just incase I'm not around, she said sincerely.

I'll do it on one condition, I said finishing off the bottle.

Which is?, she asked.

Can Kody be there to learn how to express himself? His emotions, I asked as she sat down and suddenly smiled.

He sure can because I can only teach him so much and my dad will only be around for so long but yes I don't mind it, she replied with a slight smile.

We promise to treat him like our own and to rebuild our bond that we once had because Kody is our saving grace and you blessed us with him, I said making her smile.

Thank you Jon, she said wiping tears away. I'm so cautious of you guys though. I just don't want to get in harm's way again,  I handed her a napkin as what she said hit me like an arrow.

She was still scared no matter what we said or how we treat her and Kody... she was scared

Cry it out of you need to Kawaii... you've been there for me so I'm here for you ok? Let it all go so that you can start healing. You are too strong to be feeling this weak and we can't have that, I said as her tears soaked into my shoulder.

Kawaii cried for seemed like 15 minutes and I encouraged her to. She's held it in for so long that she needed it. Once she sat up and stumbled up from her seat, I grabbed her hand and walked her to the livingroom and tucked her in on the couch so that she could rest some. She made me proud to be her friend and I had to show her my appreciation.

Once she was settled and fast asleep, I went to check on the guys and saw them having a moment and I knew it was about Kody so I let them have it. All the pictures in her house screamed happiness and I wanted to have that one day so Kody was my first go at it.

As I walked into his room I noticed all their pictures and the ones we took. It felt good to see our memories looking over him at night. I felt completely happy but guilty that Kawaii went through all of this over us and without us. I got sad a bit and sat down on his bed looking at his stuff and layed down holding on to his teddy bear that I gave him. I thought of him and Kawaii not having gone through any of this. All the pain and sleepless nights. I want to change but I was scared as well but I had to try. For her and Kody..

Because they mean more to me than any bottle of Whiskey could ever mean and I'm gonna prove it when we get them to a safer place... physically... mentally.. and emotionally.