A Trip To Remember

Morning Run

I woke up the next morning in the same place next to Joseph, my head resting on his arm.
  I slowly sat up and stretched my neck, yawning.
  I stood up and quietly walked towards kitchen. Everyone was in the same place as last night. I guess everyone else fell asleep too.
  I walked into the kitchen and the time on the stove read 7:21a.m. I groaned to myself and opened the fridge. It was really early and even though I felt tired, I also felt really awake and alert, so I decided to down some protein and go for a run.
  I started humming to myself as I made myself a protein shake. I took my shaker bottle to my room and threw on a pair of running shorts.
  "What're you doing?" Someone asked behind me as I was pulling a shirt over my head, making me jump and whirl around.
  "God, Alysa! You scared me." I whisper shouted.
  "Why're you being so quiet? Are you trying to sneak out?" She asked while leaning against the doorframe, her eyebrow raised.
  I stopped trying to pull on my shirt and looked at her. "It's called common courtesy. I was trying not to wake anyone up." I said with raised eyebrows.
  She still looked mock suspicious but I just rolled my eyes. I turned around, grabbed my phone and AirPods, and slipped them into my pocket.
  "Ok fine, I'll go with you."
  I froze and looked at her. "Uh sorry, I kinda wanted to go alone today."
  "Nah imma come with you." She stayed with finality.
  I sighed and shook my head. Alysa quickly pulled out a pair of shorts and a tank top and started getting dressed.
  "What's going on?" Rianna and Sophia asked wearily, appearing in the doorway.
  "Nothing—"
  "We're all going for a run, get ready we leave in 5." Alysa chirped, interrupting me. I threw my arm up and ran a hand over my face.
  Sophia walked back into the living room.
  "BOYS GET DRESSED WERE GOING FOR A RUN IN FIVE MINUTES. GET THOSE FAT ASSES UP." I heard the megaphone in the living room go off with Sophia's voice behind it. I sighed and shrugged, defeated.
  By the time I finished my protein everyone was waiting by the door and I shook my head with a small smile.
  "Ok let's go!" I said taking the lead out the door.
  I led us to a small park that was a minute away from the house and stopped us to stretch. We all got into a circle-ish shape and started stretching on the floor.
  Everyone started having their own conversations and Alysa turned to me.
  "So how you doing?" She asked me, in a v-sit stretching position.
  I glanced left to right. "With what?"
  "With Noah. You feeling ok?" She proceeded skeptically.
  I sighed and looked back down. "You know, I know you guys are expecting me to be sad and stuff, and I'm just not. It's weird. Its like I've been waiting for it to happen actually. And I know that sounds kinda mean but...I just didn't  want to have to deal with rejecting him when he tried something again..."
  She looked at me for a few seconds and I chuckled lightly.
  "Really, love, I'm fine. Yeah I mean in reality, we knew virtually nothing about each other." I said reassuringly, nudging her knee with mine.
  She sighed. "As long as your sure."
I thought to myself. I wasn't like the girls in the books who obsessed over the cute guy she had a crush on. Who thought about him even after he was gone. I wish I could be like that. Like everyone else. But no, I had to think logically.
Now, everyone says that's stupid. "Love is illogical". And you know what I tell those people? They're right. Love is a mess. It doesn't make sense. It can't be planned out, or organized, or careful, or thought out. It just happens. And that's when I freak out.
Growing up with anxiety, you learn to cope with obsessive worrying, and just random bursts of this terrifying panic. I learned how to live with this, and unfortunately, it can be a very suffocating, and lonely world, if you don't handle it properly. This is magnified through love. You feel lonely and overwhelmed at the same time.
So to avoid that, it's best for me to keep my distance. There's always guilt that comes with it, because thats not fair to any guy, but I just try not to get involved with guys at all in that way, and it's not like I owe him something.
Noah was just a fantasy. I didn't have that boy...who was everything real in a world of make-believe.
"Earth to Ashlyn!" Joe shouted irritably.
"Huh?" I snapped, wide eyed.
Nathan chuckled. "Let's go. You good?"
"Y-yeah. Sorry, I spaced out." I laughed. I stood up and dusted off my shorts.
I stood up, stuck my AirPods in my ears, and turned up my music all the way, getting lost in the words.

***

"Well that was fun!" Alysa said gleefully.
We'd just walked through the door and everyone was fine except Sophia and Rianna, who looked like they were trying not to throw up.
Now Sophia was fairly athletic because she was on the basketball team, and she was my gym buddy. Rianna was just...a lunatic, so how can she be so out of breath now when she's always running everywhere like a crazy person is beyond me.
Rianna wheezed dryly as she flipped off Alysa, who was laughing at her. They both slowly slipped down to the floor and I laughed and rolled my eyes, walking into the kitchen.
I grabbed water bottles out of the fridge for everyone, tossing one to each.
"So what do you guys wanna do today?" Nathan asked, wiping his brow with his forearm.
"I don't know. Maybe we could go to that little village. Go shopping?" I suggested.
Joseph looked at me. "How much more shit could you possibly need?" He said condescendingly.
"What! What're you talking about? I didn't get that much stuff." I said defensively.
"Ha!" Joe laughed, looking around for support. "You bought AirPods, Ashlyn!"
"Hey you bought that ugly Gucci hat!"
"That wasn't—"
"OK IM GONNA GO GET DRESSED. WE LEAVE IN 20." Alysa shouted, walking nimbly to our room.