Brighter Stars

Chapter 8' Home Coming' (Harry)

I am standing in the parking lot of Creekwood facility embracing Jace, we are both sobbing as my dad and Mrs. Morris looks on, she gave Jace the opportunity to see me off, "I Love You, so much, you know that right? my life before you wasn't a life, it was an existence.. you changed everything for me, promise me you'll come back, sometime?" Jace says into my ear, with such intensity I feel it in every part of me, his face is stained with tears. Words evade me. I am too cut up to speak. I cup his cheek with my hand and nod, it's all I can offer right now my heart is breaking. I mouth "Love you too" whilst sobbing. I then turn in a fast movement. Gripping my bag I entered the facility with and get into the car fast. My dads head pops into the passenger seat of the car "Harry... are you sure you want to leave just yet?" My dad asks me as if he knows or feels I should say more, but I am just unable to. "Please, dad lets just go, I can't even..." I say struggling to think or even breath through the sorrow slicing through my shattered heart.
"Okay, son" is all he says. He nods at Mrs. Morris who wipes tears from her eyes and then regains her composure. She nods at me. And my dad starts the car. Even though I can't bear it. I take a last look at Jace. His face is pure sadness and I can't imagine I look much different. He is tapping his hand over his heart repeatedly. And then the car moves and drives away forcing me to break eye contact.  
















It all feels so wrong! as the car cruises out of the facility grounds. I sit my head in my hands unable to speak or do anything. My dad also says nothing, we drive and drive and must be over an hour away from the facility no one has spoken a  proper word yet, my dad has asked me if I was "Ok?" a few times but I can't answer him, he flicks the car radio switch on. As if the universe is completely mocking me, the saddest of songs is playing by a guy I have never heard before.  

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It's easy to say but it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I'll be safe in your sound 'til you come back around











As I listen to the sad melody fresh tears spill. And panic rises in me. "Stop!" I say aloud. My dad looks at me. "Everything ok son?" he asks. "Stop the car!" I say again panic rising in me,  struggling to breathe, as it happens we are driving past green fields on either side of us. So he does, he stops. I open the door and bolt to the grass before vomiting the contents of my empty stomach onto it. I then sink down to my knees shaking back and forth. My dad comes over and I whimper when he sits down next to me. 
"Want to talk about it?" He asks me? and his sympathetic eyes burn into me, I shake my head through sobs. "Or maybe just listen then." He says.  

"From what your therapist Mrs. Morris has told me, what you guys had was exactly what you needed! I say this as your father who loves you, that boy has brought out the very best parts of you, you entered that facility a very lost, very troubled, very angry young man with little to no direction, and have left it a man fit for society, I know right now the pain you are feeling is the only thing that seems real to you, but do you know why you are this sad? this cut up? because you love him! and judging by his reaction he loves you the same way. Pain isn't remotely kind in any way, I have lived it after losing your mother. But I got through it, and so will you. We don't live in another country and I'd be more than happy to allow visits to and from the facility if you wanted to do that. I owe that boy a lot. I told you when entering the facility to go in there and bring my son back out, and you have! you both have, Harry, you are free to love who you choose, maybe we haven't always spoken like this and that's partly on me, but I am telling you now. Love is Love, we are all equal no matter who we love. And if you really want to go back there right now, so be it! I will find the money. I would do anything for my son's happiness. But if you want to go home we can do that also. Or if you wanna sit right here. We will do that!" My dad announces finally finishing his speech and wiping a few tears away from his eyes. I think he has spoken more openly and honestly than I have ever heard him speak in all my life. I shift and hug him tight. "Thank You." is all I say.  























We are back on the road heading home. As much as it pains me to do so, but the reality is I know my dad can't afford the money to allow me to return to the facility. I have no doubt he would find it. But I know right now he can't afford it. When we arrive in my town driving through it seems foreign to me, I see the same gang of bullies hanging on the  street corner, doing their same thing, smoking, drinking, and the "leader" 
guy makes a slit throat motion to me as the car goes past. I have only been away for 30 days and yet it feels like years. I don't feel like I belong here. When we pull into the driveway the street is quiet nightfall having broke. I am quiet and my dad is quiet. We enter the house and my dad says, 
"I painted your room and bought you some new stuff. Are you hungry? anything you need?" I shake my head shivering and I'm not sure if it's because the house is cold or I don't really wanna be here. "Thank you. No am just kinda tired, think I'll just go to bed." I say and my dad nods 
"Ok son," he says and I walk and enter my room. I linger in the doorway for a moment and my eyes fill up with tears the last time I was here the room was wrecked me having had a tantrum and broken everything, now it is painted a dark blue. A new workbench with a new laptop on is there and a new bed and bed sheets. I close the door and just sit on the bed. I ruffle through my bag and take out a Polaroid picture of me and Jace I took on day 23 I trace my fingers over the picture. And place it on the workbench, I really wanna speak to him right now! but I know the facility allows no phones. Is this how it will be? I will go back to my normal life? and eventually, forget him. Or remember him as a good part of my life? time will wash everything away and the pain I'm feeling now will become part of my everyday life? I have only been back in this room a short time and already I am thinking about pills. About taking them to numb the pain. I slide open the draw to the workbench and there they are! I swallow at the fact this workbench is brand new, meaning my dad has put them here on purpose as if to let me make the choice or not. "Dad?" I call out and I hear the footsteps and he enters. I throw the orange bottle to him, he catches the bottle. He nods at me with a great smile on his face. "Well done." He says to me and closes my door again. I power up the new laptop and search colleges that may take me in, I want to do good, I want to be good. And I will be. I find a few not too far a train commute if that. And tomorrow I will go and print off the applications and apply. "I'm not gonna be a fuck up no more," I say aloud to no one but myself, but looking at the picture. I then undress and get ready for bed.
 had I known, however, what was yet to come for me. I'd have stayed at the facility and never left.  


















Authors Note Ok another chapter please vote and comment, the song is
Lewis Capaldi- Someone you loved and it's linked. sooo there are about 2 chapters left and then we are done. :) x H