Brighter Stars

Brighter Stars' Chapter 3' (Harry)

I'm wide awake staring at the ceiling in the dark, back home I'd normally take sleeping pills or antidepressants or anything I could get my hands on to sleep. So being here at the facility has been tough. I haven't had any physical withdrawal symptoms as the day after I arrived I had to tell a nurse in great detail about every drug I have taken or dabbled with, she ruled me safe enough that I wouldn't suffer any physical withdrawals. Well, at least not physically, I'm finding it tough mentally more than anything, this place is just so boring. I am exhausted but I can't sleep. My roommate Jace says aloud in his sleep, "I'm sorry for killing you, it was my fault," I turn on my side and face him, the crack in the curtain floods the space with moonlight. He looks peaceful when sleeping, but I gather by what he's saying his dream probably isn't that pleasant.
I stand up throwing the bed covers off me and slide the window open striking a cigarette. He wakes up, "What are you doing?" He asks voice groggy from sleep. "What's it look like!" I snap back in response. And instantly bite my lip at how harsh it sounded. "We have training in the morning, and you aren't even supposed to smoke in the facility," Jace says to me with a sigh.
I don't reply straight away. But then I say, "Well it's kinda hard to sleep with you rambling on in your sleep!" I flick the cigarette away a 3rd of the way down, close the window and get back into bed. We are both laid on our backs looking at the ceiling. An awkward atmosphere lingers in the air. Then I see out of my side eye he turns his back to me.

























I'm not really sure what time I fell asleep but I awake and the clock reads 4:40 am and I hear Jace sniffling as if he is crying. I hear the faint sobs and I want to ask him what's wrong, But we aren't exactly friendly to one another. And judging by his story he told in the group therapy a few days ago I can tell its that what's bothering him. But I don't ask. I just turn over and go back to sleep.
























The next time I wake up its morning and the clock reads 9:30 am. Jace is absent from the room and as I stand up out of bed he comes back in. "Morning." He says to which I ignore. His eyes try but fail to take in my body me just standing there in my black boxers. "Whatever! I'm going to shower!" I reply and slip on a bathrobe. Now, the thing is with this place the showers are communal, which means sharing with a group of loud boys, all of which have issues. Great. I push the door open and the steam and scent of sweat and soap and shower gels fill my senses,
"Sup' new kid," a guy says to me in a taunting manner his short blonde hair is wet and he is completely naked. As are the other 5 guys in a line showering. "Well, you coming in? or standing there like a sack of shit? are you shy new kid? I think he's shy lads. Must have a small knob!" He taunts and they all roar into laughter. "Fuck you!" I reply back turning around to leave. And I feel a fist strike me in the back of my head. I swing around angry and step towards him, The shower is still raining down on him. "Do that again and..." I say but before I can get another word out he rags me hard into the shower and before I know it punches are raining on me hard in my face. My bathrobe is still on me and now saturated. "You'll do fuck all! you ain't shit here! but at least you've had a shower, of sorts anyway!" He says sarcastic and spits at me as him and his group leaves. I spit the blood from my bust lip. And stand back to my feet. I walk to the big mirrors and check the damage, my lip is bust and I have a bit of a bruised eye, That will probably be worse tomorrow. I take a washcloth and wipe off the blood. I sit locked in the toilet for a while.
"Don't fucking cry," I say aloud and lowly to myself. A while goes by and I walk back to my room. I dress in my sweatpants and a t-shirt. Ready for this physical training that I don't even really wanna do but it's mandatory.

























When I reach the grounds the guys are all doing press up's and sit up's. "You're late." The tutor who is very well built and looks like an ex-army man. "Drop down and give me 10 followed by another 10," He says to me. "I don't wanna..." I begin to say but he blows a foghorn loudly at my face. I spit and look around me. Everyone else is focused on their own Exercise so I do as asked and do 20 sit-ups. By the end, I am out of breath and I hadn't realized how unfit I was. "Good. It's a start," The guy says to me. "Right! now we are going running. I don't wanna hear no whining! or moaning!" The guy says blowing the horn. I spot Jace near the front stretching out. And we all begin running. The other helper keeps blowing the horn behind us. "Go, Go, Go!" He shouts and after running about 30 minutes I feel physically ill, sweat is pouring off me, my legs are aching and I feel like I could drop down any moment. I am thankful when we stop midway and they hand out the water bottles and towels. "Doing well guys! now we have to scale that!" He says pointing to the biggest wall with manholes in it. "In case you were wondering, you look about as bad as you feel right now, nice eye!" The arsehole guy says goading me as he passes. He runs up and begins to scale the wall, as does everyone else. But his words spur me on if anything and I find myself finding a new life and I complete all the tasks he sets us.




















"Good work lads! now hit the showers, and I'll see you the same time next week." as the group filters in leaving mud all over the carpets and they filter into the 2 communal bathrooms. I head into my room. I slip out of my shorts and take my sweat-stained t-shirt off, and put back on the white blood-stained robe from this morning. It's not that I'm scared to use the showers now, it's just a little crowded. Ok maybe I'm a bit scared but, whatever. Jace emerges for the second time today his hair is wet and the scent of soap and pine fills the room. "What's up? not showering? What happened to your face?" He asks bombarding me with 3 questions all at once. "Nothing." I snap back in response. "You know, I've been here a long time, you may think being a general arsehole to people is a good idea, but you can't do this whole process without friends, you may think you can, but you really can't. Anyway, I'll see you in group therapy." He says sliding on new clothes, shoes, and socks. And leaving the room. I stand up and slam door he leaves open.
"Ughh" I scream putting my head in my hands. When the place quietens down I finally use the empty showers, the water reigns down on me soothing my tense overworked muscles. I change into new clothes afterward, I pack my bags and head past group therapy trying, and failing to be noticed. Mrs. Morris calls my name. I ignore it and continue walking towards the reception. She catches me up. "Harry?" She asks and I turn to face her. "What's up? you are supposed to be in my group therapy right now, who did this?" she asks about my face. "We have a zero-tolerance bullying policy here," She says the kindness in her voice makes my eyes tear up for some reason and then I feel stupid. "Look, can you just like, fuck off! I'm going home! I'm sick of this place, I don't need it! and just leave me alone!" I say snatching my bag and walking to reception.




















Mrs. Morris calls after me but she doesn't come after me again. I arrive at the reception and a woman with the whitest teeth known to man greets me. "I want to go home! so you can call my dad, tell him to come and pick me up! I-I'm done with this place! and-I-ur- I'm ready to leave," I say pouting my lips and squaring my shoulders. "Sir, once you are admitted here, I'm afraid going home before you time expires is not going to be possible. If you are having issues your allocated provider can talk to you about it!" She says with a smile. "No. You can call my dad right now! and tell him!" I shout my anger getting the better of me. A while goes by and I am surrounded by health care professionals all trying to calm me down. "Ok fine. Fucking hell. I'll go back to my room!" I say in the end. And head back there. Jace is reading a book when I enter and doesn't even look at me or break his concentration. I slide the window open striking a cig.
"This place is fucking stupid!" I say aloud. He doesn't reply. "So fucking stupid!" I repeat angrier.
"You'll get used to it." He finally replies his tone harsh. "All that stupid Exercise! and people attacking me in the sh--" I begin to say but stop. "Who attacked you?" He asks standing up.
"I don't know some blonde dick!" I spit back. "I thought you were tough though?" Jace asks me. I look him in the face. "I AM!" I shout back. "Clearly not tough enough!" He says turning his back on me. "What the fuck do you know about me!" I said pushing his back. "Don't do that again!" He says his voice level. So of course, I do! "Fuck you," I scream. I am pinned to the wall yet again his fist drawn back. "Stop been a nob!" He says to me. Our eyes lock and I crash my lips onto his. We move in synch the kiss is feverish and by the end, our lips are swollen. "I'm sorry." He says as I stand there not saying anything. "I'm really sorry. It's not a good idea! relationships in therapy never are! just forget it! I'll sleep elsewhere tonight!" He says and before I have a chance to protest or say anything, he's gone! and this night I find myself sleeping all through with the exhaustion of the day. I hate this place. But perhaps, just maybe, something good may come out of it after all. I just have to learn how to let people in, and that terrifies me more than any physical Exercise or group therapy.

Song for this chapter is: Ariana Grande - Thinking Bout You. Vote And Comment, xo