27. Joke

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I tried to reecho her voice in my head to make sure what she meant. Secretly, I wished the words she said will change this time but it was the same heavy and heartbreaking words that sharply wounded my chest. I felt like I've been punched in the stomach. I felt sick.

"What do you mean, Maddy?"

"You have to go home." She muttered, her sharp words burrowing deeper into my already breaking skin. "Kailangan na nating tapusin ang meron tayo."

"Why?" I asked, amused and angry and pained all at the same time. "Why Madellaine?" I iterated when she didn't answer at my first question.

"Because I can't..." She bit her lip as she looked away. Tears continue rolling down her cheeks that I've been wanting desperately to wipe since I saw it coming. "Because I cannot do it anymore."

"You were never good at lying." I gasped, trying to hide my anger.

"Don't make this hard for the both of us. Please, just go."

"You can't do this again, Maddy." I declared. She did this before. She cannot keep doing this!

"I just did." She huffed bravely, looking straight into my eyes.

"You don't have to fucking lie!" I can no longer keep my outrage to myself. "You can just tell me the truth! You don't have to keep me in the dark like a fool." I remembered my conversation with mom and dad weeks before I booked my flight. "Was it your parents? Was it them again Maddy?" I literally screamed at her face. I am just so furious. She needed to know it.

"Please just go." She cried out.

"Fuck this Maddy!" I cursed in so much exasperation. "Come on. What did they tell you this time?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You can't be breaking my heart for nothing, Madellaine!"

She jumped a little at my voice rising continually. She gestured to leave but I quickly caught her wrist and wrapped my arms around her.

"Piliin mo naman ako, Maddy." I heard myself begging. On the following minutes, we heard ourselves in full-sobbing.

"Tres..." She uttered my name as painfully as I imagined her saying goodbye. She took my arms off around her in attempt to escape but I tightened my grip around her.

"Maddy, please."

"Let me go. Please." It was more like an order than a plea. Everything is just getting more painful and I almost lost all my strength just by begging so I loosened my hug until I let her go.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. She looked at me with guilt. I wanna hate her that moment.

"Ang tagal kong naghintay at nagtiis para sa araw na ako naman ang piliin mo." Sumbat ko sa kanya. She even managed to nod her head as if what I said didn't make any sense. "But looking at you now, I guess it will never come. Right? You will never choose me Maddy."

She slightly opened her mouth and I know what she's gonna say so I stopped her beforehand.

"Don't be sorry. Alam ko namang kailanman hindi ako 'yong pipiliin mo pero ang tanga ko lang para umasa pa."

"I wanted to fight for us Tres. Believe me—"

"Then do it!" I angrily whined. "Madellaine, are you even aware that you are breaking me to pieces? Kung hindi mo alam 'yon pwes Maddy, sobrang sakit."

"Alam ko." Umiiyak na bulong niya. "Alam ko. Alam kong nasasaktan ka. Alam kong hindi kita dapat sinasaktan kasi Tres, sobrang mahal kita." Huminto siya sa pagsasalita at humagulhol. "Mahal na mahal. Pero sana alam mo din na nasasaktan rin ako. Na... oo, masakit ang 'wag piliin pero sobrang hirap ding mamili lalo na kapag ang kailangan mong gawin ay 'wag piliin 'yong taong gusto mo naman sana talagang piliin. It's breaking my heart not to choose you when I'm supposed to... when I want to. I'm sorry Tres."

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