The Cure (Book One of The Golden Eyes Trilogy)

Chapter 24: Finally Caught Up

I want to be strong and face my fears and take a chance but I'm too stubborn and fight my true feelings to the point of stupidity and exasperation. I want to believe I have what it takes to keep him alive and safe until we do reach Australia. Where I can open up without worrying about it the whole time. Where I truly know we are safe and I won't lose him.

He didn't know this but Finch was my top priority and he was my second. If he's the man I'm going to love he has to be safe and protected. And I would do anything in my power to ensure that. I wanted him so bad but the fear of losing him is what held me back.

Fighting myself so much and so strongly for this long is fucking exhausting. I either need to end things with him or take the chance because if I don't figure it out soon I'm going to lose my damn mind. Well worse than I already have.

If it can get even worse.

"I know you want him. You should go for it. He's crazy about you, you know? I've never seen him look at a girl the way he looks at you. Even with his past girlfriends he never looked at them the way he looks at you."

I turned around and faced Halley, biting my lip.

While my heart fluttered in my chest I fought it. I'm so afraid of losing him I can't help but to push him away. I didn't want to get hurt again. As I've said before, I hate feeling hurt. I don't like emotions I'm not in control of.

Fear, hurt, sadness.

Love.

I like being in control and when I'm not in control I can't help but to be afraid of losing control and then I'm pissed because I've never really been afraid of anything. It's a vicious cycle.

"I'm sorry Halley but I can't. Not when I could lose him. I won't love again if I do."

"Nova he's going to be fine. He has you to look out for him. You won't let anything happen to him just like you won't let anything happen to us. You should have some faith in him-and yourself. He's too good of a guy to pass up."

I bit my lip harder, glancing over at him. He was already looking at me and smiled when we locked eyes. I couldn't help but to smile back. And my smile freaked me out for a second, because I haven't smiled like that ever. Not even with Grayson.

What was he doing to me?

"You better be good to Finn. He's the nicest guy I know next to my brother and he deserves the best. So stop making things difficult and give him a chance already. He's more than earned it."

I looked at Halley with wide eyes and then looked down at my feet.

"It's complicated-It really isn't. You're holding back when you shouldn't be. He deserves the best and you better give it to him. Before someone else does."

The way my heart ached as she said that worried me.

I did like Finn-I liked Finn a lot.

And that's what scared me.

"Halley you don't understand-No you don't understand Nova. I'm not saying you have to marry him but give him a chance. You know he can make you happy and you're fighting it when you shouldn't be. Give him a chance Nova. If it doesn't work out at least you can say you tried. But I think it will. And that's what's scaring you, isn't it?"

I'm not easy to read but she got it on the dot. Halley is a lot smarter than I give her credit for apparently.

"I'm scared Halley. My last boyfriend died. I had to kill him. And it still hurts. I don't like feeling hurt."