Living The High Life [DISCONTINUED]

26

For the first time in five years, the nightmares came back. I don't know why, but they did. It was so prominent and horrible, I woke up in tears for the first time in who knows how long.

I sit up quickly, tears streaming down my cheeks. It's still dark, I notice, my heart beating out of my chest. I look around, trying to piece together everything. The first thing I do is grab my phone. I pull up my contacts.

Call Ryan.

No, she's probably asleep.

Call Gerard.

No, I-

Too late.

I hit it before I realize I did. I go to hit hang up, but he already picked up before I could. Why is he up so late? I hold it to my ear.

"What's wrong?" He instantly asks. I let out a shaky breath, hand to my chest.

"I-I..." Even in my bad state, I know how stupid this sounds. I had a nightmare. So stupid. I can't believe-

"Hey, you'll be okay, just tell me what's wrong," he speaks lowly and calmly. I take in a few deep breaths, my body visibly shaking.

"I had a-a nightmare," I stutter out, tears pricking my eyes. He goes silent, and I instantly realize what an idiot I am. I should've just stayed quiet. I shouldn't have called him. I'm such a crybaby. He's gonna laugh at me and hang up. He's gonna yell at me for calling. He-

"Hey," he speaks even quieter, and it shocks me how sincere he sounds. "Listen, it was just a dream, alright? You are safe. You're loved, and everything is alright. Do you wanna talk over Skype? I can video call. The boys and I are still up." I just stay silent, thoroughly shocked. I finally get the ability to speak again after a moment.

"Yeah, I want to see you," it comes out more clingy than I hoped. Nevertheless, I get my laptop and get on Skype, calling him up as I hang my actual phone up.

Seeing Gerard, concerned or not, always makes me feel better. Like someone actually cares for me. He looks like he wants to hug me.

"Hey, you alright?" He asks quietly. I wipe away the stray tears on my cheeks and nod.

"Didn't you say the guys were awake?" I ask nervously, looking at the keyboard.

"Yeah, I'm on my bunk though. I thought it'd be better for you," he tells me, smiling sadly. I feel a wave of sadness and surprise. He's so sweet.

"Oh, that's so nice of you," I mumble, looking at him.

"I guess. Now, do you wanna talk about your nightmare?" He asks, and I remember why I even called him. The dream flashes through my head like a terrifying slideshow. Ryan... Tobi.... Rachel.... Gerard... Why?

I feel my body jerk, and I realize I'm crying. I choke down a sob, hugging myself. I know why. I'm worthless.

"(Y/n)? Honey? Babe? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he panics, trying to figure out what to do.

"No, you didn't," I choke out, "I just... I'm so useless..." I hear some noise from Gerard's side, and he looks at something off screen.

"Wait a sec," he says to someone off camera before looking at me. "You're not useless. You're an amazing human who deserves so much, and I know you don't believe me, but please try to." I just look at my keyboard, tightening my grip on my arms. I'm worthless...

I hear him sigh, and I just pray he's given up. I close my eyes tightly, waiting for him to hang up. Instead, after a few seconds, I hear a chorus of "Hey"s. I look up to see Gee in a brighter area, the boys surrounding him.

"Hey sweetheart, what's wrong?" Frankie asks, looking concerned. I giggle, trying to brush it off as nothing.

"Just a nightmare," I tell them, sniffling a bit. I shrug, not letting myself look in their eyes.

"Hey (Y/n)," I look up when I hear Ray say my name.

"Yeah?"

"We have a break in the tour coming up in a little over a week. We put a couple in to give us some time off. They last around a week or two. So, why not have Gee visit for a few days? He can go down, keep you company for a few days, and come back," he explains, looking at Gerard.

"Should we trust Gee alone with a girl?" Frank jokes, nudging Gerard.

"Oh ha ha," Gee laughs sarcastically. Gerard could visit... But do I deserve it?

"What about me going to class?" I ask quietly.

"He can come over on Friday afternoon, stay the weekend and maybe Monday, and then leave," Mikey offers. I smile because, one, Mikey spoke, and two, it's a good idea.

"Well, sure! I can't refuse to see Gerard," I joke, yawning.

"You should get some sleep," Gerard tells me worriedly. I nod tiredly.

"G'night guys," I mumble, reaching to hit the hang up button. They all say good night as I hit the button. I turn my laptop off and lay back, falling asleep instantly.