Until My Last Breath

Chapter 117

"There's a ‚but', isn't it?" Nathan questions and due the facial expression of the doctor, my body tenses immediately again.

"There is but you already know about it Mr. Mendes. Like I said, her condition is definitely not getting better and I warned you about what the pregnancy can cause.

The medicine is too light to keep her heart working for much longer. All we can do is hope that there won't be any problems during the birth and then she will hopefully get her heart transplant soon."

Rose's POV:
"I already feel better again. Please don't worry about me." I say, taking his warm hand in mine to make him look at me. Sighing, he rises from his chair and sits onto the edge of the hospital bed, facing me.

"You had a heart attack, Rose." Shawn states, staring at my baby bump as he seems to think about something.

"A mini heart attack. Your really think that would stop me?" I point out, trying to get him to smile but without success. His thumb draws all kinds of shapes on the skin of the back of my hand while he remains silent.

"What's on your pretty little mind?" I ask, just like Shawn always does when I seem thoughtful, holding back a grin. A thin smile appears on his lips as his gaze meets mine.

"Stop making me smile." He mumbles, lifting his hand to stroke back a wisp of hair behind my ear. "I love to see you smile." I reply, leaning into his touch as he cups my cheek...

We stay like this for a little longer, admiring each other lovingly. Until the small smile that was adorning his face, suddenly fades, making me frown.

"What?" I question, gently intertwining our hands. A shaky breath leaves his lips and he looks at the floor a few moments before, his eyes meet mime again.

"I can't loose you, Rose." Shawn whispers, his voice seeming to break any moment.

"Shawn..." I start, trailing off because I don't know what to tell him. I have no clue how long I have the strength to keep going. It could be that I make it until birth but I'm not sure. Things like today can happen anytime.

"No, Rose. You don't understand. I can't loose you. I c-can't." He croaks out, shaking his head in frustration.

"Hey Shawn. Shh." I coo as I notice that his eyes started watering. Carefully I move closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He immediately hugs me back, his head resting on top of mine. Please don't cry because of me." I murmur, raking my fingers through his hair in a soothing manner.

"Are you serious, right now? What-... How do you do that?" Shawn asks, pulling back to look at me as a chocked sob escapes him. "Do what?" I question, frowning.

"You talk and act like it's nothing." Shawn sniffles and I lift our intertwined hands to kiss his knuckles.

"How I am able to talk about it like it's nothing? I know about my disease for so many years and I have a little human inside of me. I can't give in and cry everyday because I might won't survive till I get the heart transplant.

Of course, I'm scared... but I can't just life in fear all the time. I have to try to forget it or else I would probably have ten panic attacks a day." I lightly chuckle, tracing along the decorative carvings on Shawn's ring with my finger.

"Or should I be sad all the time?" I question, looking up to Shawn who stares at me with red, watery eyes. The sight alone tears my heart into pieces.

His eyes seem so broken and he eyes me so helplessly and devastated. I knew this day would come but I just thought it wouldn't be so soon. I hate that I'm the cause of his sadness. He doesn't deserve that.

"Stop." Shawn whispers, causing me to give him a questioning look. "Stop, making yourself feel bad because of your disease. It's not your fault that you mean the world to me, Rose." Shawn adds, a single tear rolling down his rosy cheeks which I wipe away with my thumb.

"I just hate to see you like that."

„And I hate to see you in hospital beds. I already saw that too many times." Shawn mumbles, taking a deep breath afterwards. I can see that he struggles to keep himself together at the moment. That's exactly why I can't give up now.

I'm gonna fight until it's absolutely impossible. It's the least I can do to thank him for saving my life. "Shawn, I need you to promise me something." I say softly, making his gaze meet mine as I gently push up his chin with my fingers.

„I swear that I'll do anything in my might, to hold on until the birth but if I can't.... then you have to promise me to be happy sometime again. Please don't think you will never meet another girl-"

„Rose don't." "Shawn come on, you know that there's the possibility that something happens to me. Please just... I want you to be okey." I sigh, feeling how the tears threaten to fall any moment but I have to stay strong now. It's better for him and for myself.

„I know what you want to say but please don't make me promise something when it's not even sure. I believe in you, love. You can do that.

We can do it together, got it? And as long as I don't have to, I won't think about any other girl because you are all I ever wanted and all I'll ever want." Shawn responds, before carefully pulling onto his lap, hugging me close to him.

Knowing that I can't make him promise me that anyways, I rest my head against his warm chest. His shooting scent filling my nose while he strokes through my hair. I wish moments like this could last forever. Just me, Shawn and our little baby....

Wait, that's it! Suddenly, I get an idea which makes me smile brightly. I pull away from the hug to face Shawn and he watches me confusedly.

„Let's get out of here." I state, attempting to climb off of him but his grip around me only tightens. "What do you mean?" Shawn questions.

„I don't want to be here any longer. Let's get out of here! I want to go somewhere." I reply, grinning at him excitedly. "Wha- wait. I don't get it. Where do you wanna go?"

„I don't know. Somewhere! Away from here, Shawn. I want to get out of this city." I say, giving him puppy eyes. A chuckle leaves my lips as he stares at me completely puzzled, like he just saw a ghost. "You can't fly. It's to stressful."

"Doesn't matter! We can drive. Oh my god, a road trip! Shawn we have to do that!" I chirp, feeling so energetic all of a sudden. "What? Rose, I would do that with you but-"

„But what? You want to make me sit at home all day for two months, so I can wait and see if I survive or not? You want to do that to me?" I ask, quirking a brow.

„No of course not but...Rose, please. We can also do many thing here in Toronto." Shawn suggests, his gaze almost begging me that this is all a joke but why the hell not? I only live once, after all.

„Baby, I'm serious. We can drive to California and go to all the cities. I loved it there as we were in Los Angeles because of tour. Please go on this one last adventure with me." I plead, standing up from his lap and pulling on his hands bit he keeps sitting. Completely overwhelmed with the situation.

„Stop saying that it's the last adventure. It's not. We will have many more." Shawn says, causing me to roll my eyes. "But please go on our possibly last adventure with me doesn't sound so badass." I groan, tugging on his hands once again.

„You are crazy." Shawn breaths out but I could see the little smile on his lips. "Crazy in loooveee." I sing, making him chuckle unwillingly.

„Please Shawn. Do it for me. Let's leave. Just me, you and our little baby."