Still Holding On (Jenlisa)

Chapter 13

She reached her arm into the crowd and grabbed a hold of someone's hand and didn't let go the entire time she belted out the rest of the song. I took several pictures and watched in awe as fans grabbed a hold of her legs and arm, helping hold her up so she could stand on the narrow barricade. It was amazing.

She stayed up there for a few moments after the song ended, touching as many people as she could. Her smile was stunning. She was stunning and larger than life. She was made to be on that stage.

After the show, and against the wishes of security, she went outside the venue and signed autographs and took pictures. It was crazy. I stood back and captured as much of it as I could on my phone. She wasn't able to stay outside the building for long, due to safety concerns, but she stayed until they threatened to arrest her. Once we were back inside the bus, she wrapped me in her arms.

"I'm sorry about earlier" She said.

I just nodded and started crying into her shoulder. She had to know what this was doing to me. She didn't say anything though. She just let me cry while she held me. I felt safe and secure the entire time. It's funny how the thing that makes you cry is also where you find the greatest comfort.

Without a word, I separated myself from her and climbed into bed. It was strange to sleep in a bus as we drove down the road. She was used to it though. She spent a couple minutes looking through her phone before she joined me. I assumed she was on twitter or something. Once she came to bed, I felt her scoot closer to me and lace our fingers together.

"Whatever you're feeling right now Nini, just remember you're not alone. It's going to be okay. I promise." She whispered.

Deep down in my heart, I knew this would be the second promise she wouldn't be able to keep. It simply was never going to be okay. I needed to make a choice. I already knew what my choice was but it was all just so impossible. There was no way to do this without hurting everyone. Literally. No one would come out of this unscathed.

--------

The rest of the week passed by quickly. I took so many pictures, it would take me forever to go through all of them. We arrived in New Zealand early in the morning. It was the last night of a hugely successful tour for her. Jin was going to be at the show. Once it wrapped up, she was taking a break. I had no idea what her plans were, but I secretly hoped she would be spending the summer in Thailand.

My anxiety had significantly decreased since the show in Indonesia. I was more relaxed and kept my feelings of guilt pushed as far down as I could manage. I was sure that seeing Jin would allow them to burst through to the surface again.

She told me on our way here that a couple of friends would be coming to watch her perform. I didn't realise that one of them was going to be Bae Joo-hyun.

"Hey hottie" I heard Irene say as she hugged Lisa. It was annoying.

"Hi" Lisa smiled. "This is Jennie, my brother's wife" Lisa explained as she introduced us.

"Nice to meet you Jennie" Irene said with a smile. "You're absolutely gorgeous!"

"Thank you" I said, smiling. "I like your songs" I told her, slightly awkward.

I watched as she looked Lisa over.

"I've missed you so much!" She said to Lisa.

"I missed you too" Lisa responded. "I've been so damn busy, I hardly have a minute to myself" She added.

"Her schedule is exhausting" I chimed in.

I had to resist the urge to tell her that she spent all of her free time with, or thinking about me. I was feeling insanely possessive over Lisa.

"We should go out for some drinks afterwards" Irene said with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Hell yeah!" Lisa said.

"You should join us" Irene said, making eye contact with me.

"We'll see" I answered.

It didn't take long for the rest of her friends to show up. Lisa spent a lot of time catching up and talking to them. I faded into the background and kept an eye on Irene. She was all over Lisa. The thing that annoyed me the most was the fact that Lisa practically encouraged it. I watched her whisper into Lisa's ear and Lisa would smile at her. It made me want to slap the shit out of her.

I knew I was being unreasonable, but Lisa was mine. Or so I thought at least.

"Hey babe" Jin whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I almost cringed.

"Hey" I said. "You're here"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it. She's my favourite sister" He spoke.

"Jin, she's your only sister" I said, rolling my eyes.

"See how that works?" He laughed.

He felt almost foreign to me. I didn't like the way his arms felt around me.

"How was your trip?" I asked as he let me go.

Thank goodness, I mentally said.

"It was good. Spent a lot of time working on the project. I think we'll end up signing the contract" He said proudly.

"Good. I'm glad" I frowned as I watched Irene put her arm around Lisa.

Jin glanced in the direction I was staring. "You okay Jen?" He asked slowly.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry" I said, making eye contact with him.

"Damn" He said whistling. "Is that Lisa's new flavour of the week?" He asked. "She's one hot mess" He added.

"Seriously Jin? Take a picture, it will last longer" I mumbled as I stomped off.

"Jen! Come on! Don't be like that!" He yelled after me.

I ignored him and kept walking. I needed to clear my head. I felt like I was losing my mind. I needed to get a grip.

I heard the door open slowly and I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was.

"Hey" Lisa said softly. "You need to relax Nini"

"You need to stop acting single" I snapped.

"Seriously?" She said, raising an eyebrow. "I actually am single" She reminded me. "What happened to 'no jealousy'?" She asked.

"I don't like her" I mumbled.

"You don't know her" Lisa replied.

"You seem to though" I practically hissed at her.

"I'm not going to do this with you. You're acting crazy. Stop it or fucking go home. This is not the time or place to have a contest on who pisses who off more" She grabbed my wrist.

I yanked it out of her grasp. "Fine" I stated flatly.

She walked back inside and I stood there trying to figure out how I was going to fix this. Something had to give. I didn't know how to regain my self control.

She was right. I was acting crazy. She made me that way though. It was her fault. I decided to just let it go. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it anyway.

I was, after all, the one with a husband.