Our Boys: A Collection of Oneshots

Voices in the Dark (Sam x Reader)

WARNING: Self-hate and references to suicide and self-harm.

You woke up to the sound of thunder crashing outside your motel room, you sat up and stretched, looking in the direction of the window you watched through the darkness the lightning as it streaked across the night sky. Storms always brought on a sense of calm over you, the chaotic state of the storm made your life seem less so. You were a hunter and had been for most of your life, it all started when you got your parents killed, no, it wasn't your fault. At least, that's what you forced yourself to say, but that voice in your head screamed at you every waking minute that it was. But it wasn't just the death of your parents that haunted you, every person you couldn't save in your line of work. The only thing that made the mental pain manageable was the physical pain you endured every hunt. You told yourself it was a type of punishment, deep down you knew you were just trying to get yourself killed, but if you took a monster out in the process, it was worth it.

The sound of a giant crack of thunder shook you from your thoughts, you stretched and slid out of the bed. You walked to the window and pulled the blind up to watch the lightning dance across the sky. You smiled, looking straight a head you saw the impala and wondered if the boys were awake or sleeping through the storm. You had started hunting with the boys about nine years ago, when they needed your help after Lucifer got out of the cage...the first time. You had stayed with them every since and, in the process of doing so, fell hard for the youngest Winchester brother, Sam.

He meant the world to you, ever since your first hunt with the Winchester's you knew you were in love. Dean was like an overprotective big brother, always watching your back and making you feel wanted, even if was brief. He also was the only one that knew about your depression and hatred towards yourself. He had over heard your sobs while you where in your room one night, crying over the loss of a teenage boy during your hunt. You poured your heart out to him, but made him promise not to tell another soul, you didn't want anyone thinking you were just a whiny, pathetic, sorry excuse for a hunter. One person thinking that was enough.

"Man, it's really coming down," you said to yourself, grabbing a chair from the nearby desk.

You sat down and watched, the lightning was magnificent. Closing your eyes you listened to the sound of the rain as it pelted the ground. You began to feel a sudden tired feeling take hold as you crossed your arms on the windowsill and resting your head on them. You closed your eyes and just began to feel yourself falling into a deep sleep...when the faces came out of the darkness in your mind. Everyone you ever lost, their mutilated bodies, dead eyes and stiff bodies flashed before your eyes; suddenly, all the faces turned to you and screamed bloody murder. You gripped the sides of your head, desperate to stop the screams of the dead from piercing your ears, their twisted faces surrounding you, yelling at you. Tears streaming down your face; "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,I'm sorry!"

"Why Y/N, why did you kill us?"

"This is all your fault, you're the reason we're all dead."

"If it wasn't for you we'd all still be alive!"

"You're the one that should be down here, rotting in HELL!"

You screamed, your eyes flew open and you fell off the chair you were perched on. Your back to the outside wall and tucking your knees to your chest, you let the tears fall as you cradled yourself.

"That's it, I can't take this anymore. I-I have to end this...once and for all."

You pulled yourself to stand and walked to the bathroom, but not before turning to the connecting door from yours to the boys. You set your ear against the door and sadly heard them moving around, you couldn't let them stop you. You locked the door just as the nob tried to turn, "Hey, Y/N, what's wrong? Why's the door locked?" You knew the voice to be Sams.

"I'm sorry Sammy, but its better this way," you laid your forehead on the door.

You turned away just as the banging got more violent, you heard Sam and Dean screaming your name but you only really heard Sams. Not wanting to face the pain, you ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind you. You blocked out the sound of the boys screaming your name and tried to focus on the sound of the rain. You slid into the bathtub and grabbed your razor, there was only one way to silence those screams once and for all. You closed your eyes and held the blade tight...when you heard the door bust open.

"Y/N! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Sam yelled, you heard both of them in your room.

"Sam...please...don't make this any harder than it has to be;" You whispered to yourself when the bathroom door suddenly burst open and Sam stood before you in the doorway.

His sad puppy dog eyes gazed at you then down at your razor blade, he moved faster than you could comprehend and threw the blade out of the bathroom.

"What the hell are you doing, what were you thinking?!" He begged you to answer him, but all you could do was cry.

"I can't take it anymore Sam, they're all I think about. Everyone I've ever lost I lost because I couldn't protect them, because I'm not good enough Sam. If it wasn't for me, they'd still be alive...but I fucked up and now the voices in my head won't leave me alone. This is the only way I can get them to be quiet. I'm a shitty hunter, no one loves me and I just can't handle it anymore! I love you too much to loose you Sam, I have ever since the first hunt we went on, and if I have to die to keep from getting you killed then so be it."

You gripped your sides and cried, a sudden realization popped into your mind, you just poured your heart out to Sam and now he knows how big of a loser you were. Avoiding eye contact you just held your knees and listened as footsteps approached you and suddenly a pair of large muscular arms wrapped around you. Shock over took you as you heard him sobbing into the crook of your neck, he pulled back and you saw his red eyes and tears falling down the sides of his face. He shook his head; "Y/n, I love you too, I have ever since I first laid eyes on you and seeing you in this much pain kills me, I wish I could take it all away from you. But what I can do is tell you that you are loved, by Dean, Bobby, Cas and me. And I will do everything I can to make you feel that love each and every day until the day we die, which isn't any time soon."

You were a mixed bag of emotions, but mostly, you felt loved,for the first time in a long time. You gave Sam a weak smile and he did the same, looking down at your lips, then back into your y/e/c eyes. You felt your cheeks blush as he leaned in and gently placed his lips on yours. You felt fireworks explode inside you, it was everything you ever dreamed it to be and more, wrapping your arms around his neck, he pulled you in closer to his warm body. The voices faded away and all you could hear was your own heart inside your chest beating a hundred miles and hour, you both pulled away out of breath and rested your forehead on his.

"I've been wanting to do that for months now, and it was better than I ever could have imagined." Sam smiled making you laugh.

You pulled away from him and were about to get up when he scooped you up in his arms and carried you out of the bathroom and into his and Deans room. Dean was standing beside his bed, a look of relief on his tired face. When he noticed Sam's flushed face he grinned; "keep it down tonight you guys, I need my six hours."

Sams face lit on fire and you laughed as he set you down on his bed and pulled the sheets over you. He laid down beside you, pulling you close so that your back was pushed up to his warm chest and his legs intertwined with yours. You smiled closing your eyes, you listened to the sound of the thunder as it moved on to another town.

Finally finished it! Took longer than I thought it would but I hope you all enjoy it. Dark as it may be it has a very important message that even if you feel like nothing, there is some one, even if its just that one person, that makes you feel wanted and special. You are all amazing human beings and never let anyone tell you different!! Stay strong, stay beautiful and stay you! ❤❤❤❤