Dream On Fire

(55) This feeling...

I hate and love this feeling you've created in me during all this years. As you know I'm not good at expressing things directly as they are so I use many metaphors that can end up confusing someone but in all honesty this feeling has only one name:
Hope...

You've made me hopeful for things that I knew for a fact were imposible but you made them (in the slightest bit) hopeful again.

For example when I thought you would say you like me too when I told you I liked you two years ago...

That same feeling that appeared when your sister told me that you were in love with a girl exactly in my generation and with my name... and in the same classes we were when kids...
No joke I almost freak out on that one!

The hopeful feeling when my aunt gave me my New Years wish... such inoffensive words brought the brightest light in me...

The feeling of knowing you'll be in the party and maybe... just maybe... you would take me out to dance...

That hopeful feeling of knowing that maybe... you could invite me to prom...

The only problem is that, none of these things has become true... not in the slightest bit.

Today we were told that if you like someone and they don't show it then you should let go... but how do you let go once you are tightly wrapped with golden and silver chains that are the size of your hand... how can you just make as if all those amazing and not so amazing feelings you've felt for someone just... never happened?

Did you know I failed in a promise I made myself the first time I knew I fell for you?
I promised myself to never fall to deeply for you just in case I had to let go because there was no mutual feelings...
at the beginning it felt so small and almost no visible but... I never realized that my heart slowly started beating a little faster... my thoughts started becoming daydreams... and my feelings becoming my own chains that now keep me here... just feeling... I can't move... I can't speak... and I most surely can't express myself to you... because I'm not only afraid to know the true feelings you have but...
I'm also afraid to break... honestly I think I'm already broken but (again) I probably feel hopeful so I don't feel the glue that is trying to keep my heart together...

Too much metaphors?
Yeah... I told you...