Dream On Fire

(34) All songs have to be about you right?

Gesh! Just let my Brian rest a day! Today we started semestral exams and right before starting my exam I saw you... your lovely smile... god I felt like passing out!

I guess that I have to thank you for that part too... If it weren't from your beautiful smiles everyday I think I would be the same girl I was around 6-7 years ago. A selfish, crybaby and careless person. I used to not care about school at all... I thought it was useless... I guess... I didn't have a reason to care about it... I never valued it...

There were many factors that made me want to do good in school but... I'm more than sure that one of them is... you.

Looking at you... hearing all the things teachers say good about you... it just makes me want to work harder... maybe you don't notice and probably you will never know my reasoning or anything but... I work harder when remembering you because it... it makes me feel happy that I'm putting effort into studying and... that maybe... not only can I feel happy with myself but also happy about you...

I know you've done or said nothing but it's still this weird feeling of... impressing you...? I wouldn't call it impressing you as such because it sounds as if I did it forcefully but... it kind of (in a weird way) go through that path...

Not exactly but... oh well...

During this study time I've been listening to a lot of music... relaxing and maybe in some cases "depressing"... I honestly don't refer to depressing as in me being depressed but more of like calm songs... you know what I mean...?

For me.. every song has a meaning... if you listen to a certain song either you like the beat, the lyrics or it helps study or something like that...

This songs have a meaning... in my own words... for my brain they mean something... maybe they are supposed to express something else but... as far as my brain knows it means what I interpret... and I like it that way...

Come out and play -Billie Eilish

Wake up and smell the coffee
Is your cup half full or empty?
When we talk, you say it softly
But I love it when you're awfully quiet, quiet

You see a piece of paper
Could be a little greater
Show me what you could make her
You'll never know until you try it
You don't have to keep it quiet

And I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you, it's worth it
To show 'em everything you kept inside
Don't hide, don't hide
Too shy to say, but I hope you stay
Don't hide away
Come out and play

Look up, out of your window
See snow, won't let it in though
Leave home, feel the wind blow
'Cause it's colder here inside in silence
You don't have to keep it quiet

Yeah, I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you, it's worth it
To show 'em everything you kept inside
Don't hide, don't hide
Too shy to say but I hope you stay
Don't hide away
Come out and play

The first thing I make from this is... that instead of YOU being afraid of us being more it's more as if talking to myself... as in saying that if I don't do something now then I'll regret it... and I also say that it's ok to feel rejection... as long as you feel happy with yourself from expressing yourself.

Hostage -Billie Eilish

I wanna be alone
Alone with you, does that make sense?
I wanna steal your soul
And hide you in my treasure chest