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Review by Painite: En Garde

'As the sun rises above the horizon...' 

Or: 

'The sun rises above the horizon...' 

Hmm, which one's better? 

5. 'It's bright and early, though, so I don't need to worry...' 

I noticed your commas. You're using them excessively, even though there are times when one isn't supposed to pause. In my opinion, the 'though' isn't needed, or the comma after 'early' needs to be removed. 

6. 'She looks back up at me as she takes the basket from me...'

Hmm, it sounds pretty repetitive—if you ask me. Maybe try: 

'She looks back up at me as she takes the basket from my hands.' 

What do you think? 

7. 'I, and the other vendors..' 

I don't think you should place the narrator first when you're stating it this way. 'I' should always be placed at last. 

'The other vendors and I...' 

Other than those, you're already great in grammar usage!

Characterization: 4/5

I was in love with the way you portrayed Luna! You made her appear mysterious, but at the same time, caring. Even though the POV revolves around Emily, something in me craves for more of those sweet encounters and talks, hopefully in Luna's point of view—if ever you plan on switching in the future. 

Speaking of Emily, I'm a little stumped about her presence because there's only a bit of info about her, nor any hint of distinctive personality that can make me distinguish her from others. I still don't have a concrete image of what she looks like, but no sweat, it's still the beginning. Her character is a little hollow, but maybe this is because there was no major trigger for character development just yet. Hopefully, the trigger I'm talking about is her soon-to-be encounter with the guild and it's members. (Other than Luna of course.) 

Plot: 5/5 

I'll make this one short. Because your story is still on it's fourth chapter, the plot is a little vague, though thanks to the summary providing info, I'm able to piece out a few theories. Perhaps someone powerful—royalty—will come seeking for their help, and fame would skyrocket. Nobles might run out of options and choose them as the final line of defence, all in order to make some openings to an adventure. I'm just guessing blindly, I'm sorry...

What I'm saying is that you'll never know what the unexpected twists and turns are, but I'm tempted, fascinated and hooked enough to know more!

Realism: 3/5 

It's just an opinion of mine, but I think I need to point out a rather strange scene. It was in chapter 2, when Emily bothered to sneak out at night and ventured into a cave on the underside of a cliff. 

Why did she do that? I mean, I knew about the bulbs she wanted to use as decoration, but did she really have to do it at night, or was this something simply used to create an 'interaction time' with Luna? The first chapter clearly said that the nighttime version of the forest is taboo—filled with vicious monsters and vampires that'll sic her more than rabid dogs do. 

She could've just collected those bulbs early in the morning, or right before sunset after her herb-gathering, right? There was no proper explanation on why that scene really had to happen at night, so I was confused. 

OVERALL SCORE: 23/30

Hello! Thank you so much for choosing me—again. And even though it was a short array of chapters, I enjoyed the read. I'm so sorry it took such a long time for me to finish this, I really am. 

The final advice I can give to you is about the commas. To know if they're placed in the proper positions, read them aloud. Haha, I tried that, and it's a little embarrassing, but hey, it's effective. I hope you are satisfied with my review, and please be reminded that this critique is purely subjective and may vary from one reviewer to another. 

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