Life in Color ✔️

53~ Stubborn

He was so flustered and that was months ago.

A smile never leaves my face, the video ending on him hugging me as I waved goodbye to them last week. Six months of Ashton continuously sticking by my side and I still can't let him in.

Mindlessly, I walk downstairs, feeling suffocated in my room. Sage stops me as I reach for the door.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

I'm sure I look like I've just had a panic attack, my face all red and splotchy, doing nothing to ease his concern. "I'm going for a walk."

Eventually he moves out of the way, opening the door for me. I don't know how long I walk before I stop, knowing my feet are leading me to where I need to be.

I plop down in the grass, taking a steadying breath as I fix my dress. "Hey, Mom and Dad."

I wait, feeling stupid. It's not like they can respond.

"I don't know how you guys are doing but life is pretty shitty right now." I laugh, snot shooting from my nose.

And I just start talking, the words pouring from my mouth. The dam holding my emotions back finally bursting. I start by apologizing for that night two years ago, how my attitude will forever haunt me. I talk about what happened those first few months after they left. For the first time acknowledging to them how miserable we were. What Uncle John's drinking did to us and to him. I mention what life was like our first week alone. How hard Saffron cried waiting for mom to walk into her room to say goodnight.

I talk about everything, no matter how big or small it is. How I still cheer, thinking of mom every time I wear the uniform. How well we're doing in school. The growth the kids have shown in the past year and how proud of them I am.

I talk about how Avery and James broke up and how he's now dating Stella, imagining mom reminding me to be nice to my cousin. I talk about becoming friends with Gabe again and how they were right when they said he was a keeper.

I talk about custody, what a whirlwind the past couple months have been. Saffron ending up in the hospital and how Bennett is hell bent on ruining my life. Making sure I emphasize how right they were to hate him. I mention Uncle John and Ms. Miller, admitting that I might have over reacted a little when I talked to her today.

"I failed you. I had everything set to go and I ruined it. The Will shows that you trusted me to take over and I failed. After today, all I can do is wait for May 3rd and then it's all over. Maybe Uncle John can try to get custody, he's offered before, you know."

I wait, unsure if he's ever mentioned it to them on one of his visits. We've never really talked to each other about this type of thing before.

"But it wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't be able to do much with all the traveling he does and I'll still be stuck going through someone else. I tried, I really did, but in the end it wasn't enough. Sometimes life's just two steps ahead of me, right Dad?"

Thunder crashes through the sky as my vision goes blurry with tears. "I'm sorry."

Silence surrounds me for a while, allowing me time to reflect on the one sided chat I just had. Everything's caught up, except for one thing.

"I met someone." I take a moment to collect myself, a smile working its way onto my face. "His name's Ashton."

I can picture mom sitting beside me, listening as I talk like we're two school girls.

"He annoys the ever loving shit out of me and that's on a good day. Dad would love him based on that alone. But he's wonderful, way too good for me if you want the honest truth."