Just Love Me

Chapter 11 Part 1: Caught

Chapter 11

"Tell me how should I feel / When you made me belong / And the thought of you just touching her / Is what I hate most?" Beyoncé - Ring the Alarm

        All my strength went to breathing. With my heart aching like an open wound it took effort to inhale and exhale. On the edge of bed, I sat with my back hunched and head in my hands. This hurts too much. This hurts too much. This hurts too much. I'd give anything to take back these past 24 hours. Maybe if I hadn't left in the morning to get my hair done he would've came home. Maybe if I made his lunch too he would've came home. Maybe...

        The squeaky hinge on the door creaked. I didn't bother to look up. One more minute is what I needed. I kept inhaling and exhaling trying not to begin crying again.

"Sweets I'm so sorry. I went out for a quick drink with the guys and totally lost track of time," Rick apologized. 5am and he's lost track of time? His coherent speech hurt me because he wasn't even intoxicated.

        With every step he came closer, suffocating me. I smelled her scent from the moment he opened the door. Overwhelmingly fruity like he showered with her gel. My eyes still weren't strong enough to look up; instead I looked at his sockless feet pushed into his charcoal Oxfords. He kneeled down in front of me, bringing my hands away from my face.

"Was that my gift?" he asked, gesturing towards the pole in the middle of the room. I nodded with my eyes on his wrinkled white dress shirt and exposed bare chest. He brushed a strand of hair away from my face tucking it behind my ear. "I saw the dinner downstairs. Thank you. Don't worry, we can redo my birthday another day. You and I." he cupped my chin and kissed my lips.

Finally looking at his face, I glance at his lips that were stained a faint red. MAC matte Russian Red. "Did you enjoy your birthday?" I stared intensely at his eyes that were on my red push up bra. He nodded, holding my hands and playing with my fingers.

"I missed you though." No you did not.

"Rick?" He looked up quickly before returning his attention to my fingers. "Where did you stay last night?" I felt the pause. My world stopped the moment he froze with my fingers in his hands. He let my hands go. Disconnect. He scratched behind his ear and gazed across the room.

"I stayed with Jeff. I felt a little tipsy and didn't want to drive."

"Did Jeff give you this," I pushed his shirt to the side revealing the hickey that's been mocking me for the pass couple minutes. It wasn't little either. It was big and deliberate, like that bitch was staking claim in another women's territory.

        Rick looked down at his chest and up to my eyes. When we made eye contact, I knew. This man is the love of my life; I feel what he feels. His eyes told it all.

"Did Skye give it to you," I asked. His eyes widened as he released a jagged breath. I tilted my head to the side biting my lip with my eyes clasped shut.

Deep Inhale

Strong Exhale

Deep Inhale

Strong Exhale

Our breathing filled the room as we sat quietly in front of each other. I opened my eyes watching him watch me. "Why?" I managed to asked before my voice cracked. He engulfed me in a hug, furthering smothering me with the scent of another woman.

"Sweets, I...I..." He held me in his arms. I could feel the hammering of his heart against my chest. Tears unwillingly leaked from their ducts. I wanted to hold him closely, keeping him with me but he was already gone. Instead, I pushed against his chest trying to space myself from the perfume of his lover.

His lover.

My lover has another lover.

"Please let me go," I whispered. He tightened his hold on me, squeezing more tears loose. "Please," I begged, my voice tight from the lump in my throat. "You smell like her. Please let me go."

        Rick removed his arms but held onto my hands, like he had to keep his hands on me. I'm not sure what he feared. Maybe that he'd lose me like I lost him?

"I'm so sorry, Sweets. I love you so much," he said emotionally.

"You touched her. You let her touch you, to leave a mark on you and you come home wrapped in her scent." I paused trying to get a handle on my nerves. I managed one breath before I broke down in sobs.

"It was a mistake. I made a mistake and I will never do it again." He kissed the back of my hands. "You mean more to me. She's...she's..."

"Who you want?"

"No. Brielle listen to me, I love you." He cupped my damp face with his hands. "I love you." He kissed my lips. "I love you so much."

        I allowed another kiss as he roughly pressed my cheeks urging me to kiss back. His tongue plunged into my mouth devouring me. But I tasted her. I cried as I returned the kiss desperately trying to find him again. Our tongues caressed, his hands pulling at the shirt shielding my body. Unbuttoning the last fastener, his tainted hands burned against my flesh.

        I broke the kiss gasping for air. He stood up and pulled me up with him. I reached up, bringing his face to mine. I pressed my lips against his, eager to feel him. He picked me up wrapping my legs around waist then laid me carefully on the covers and hovered over me.

        Those damn remorseful emerald eyes had me stuck. I couldn't focus in on a word he was saying. I knew it was an apology. And the worst part, I accepted his apology. Because I'd much rather be with him than to be without him. After more sorrowful rambling he laid his head on my chest as I stroked his hair. Repeating over and over his love for me.

I fell asleep to the tune of his expression.

~ ~ ~

        My head felt like it was on fire when I finally woke up. I stumbled out of bed, over to my cell phone that sat on top my vanity. Pushing the home button, I saw that it was 2:30pm and I had eight missed calls from Aunt Sonya. She probably wanted to know why I missed work but I didnt't feel like talking to anyone.

        I made myself fresh with a shower and my regular hygiene routine. Upstairs was completely silent and lonely like usual. I went downstairs checking room to room and when I didn't see Rick, I figured he went to work. I was still carrying numbness; mindlessly completing various actions like cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher. I'd never been through anything like this before so I had no clue what "normal" is.

        My hand reached for the wine bottle before I thought about it. I opened and closed my fist around the neck of the bottle contemplating the first glass. It was a new bottle of Chardonnay I ordered. The first chilled glass would feel so good sliding down my throat.

So good...

It's the afternoon, it's not like it's early in the morning. Why not?

        I took the bottle and my electric corkscrew, I recently bought, upstairs with me and back to bed. Cuddling under the covers, I got comfortable with my bottle and drink while listening to the silence I lived with.

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