Just Another Teenage Outcast

Chapter 11

     I sighed inwardly and scooped two spoons of egg for myself. I wasn’t very hungry; I hardly ate before, so I’m used to not having much. I feel Tyler watch me, so I glanced up and met his eyes. Those eyes. It always catches me breathless when I look into it.

     “What?” I asked.

     “Nothing. Just…nothing,” he muttered.

     I ignored him and continued eating it, making place for the bacon Jeremy placed on my plate. “Wow Remy, this stuff is really good!” I complimented.

     Jeremy smiled modestly and waved the compliment off. As soon as I took a bite of the bacon, the flavor burst in my mouth, causing me to shovel the rest down my throat. As soon as I finished the last strip of bacon, I felt Tyler watching me again.

     I looked up and saw him trying to hold back a smile, his eyes full of amusement. “Wuf?” I asked, sounding awkward because of the food shoved in my mouth.

     “Slow down, fatty. Don’t need to add an extra fat chin on yourself, you have far too many already,” Tyler teased.

     I knew Tyler was kidding, but the words still stung me. I was made fun of my weight when I was a kid. I wasn’t fat, people just told me I was; which caused me to be anorexic and go through a short period of being bulimic. Those were the worst days.

     And finally after I overcame my insecurities about my weight and body, Tyler had to bring it up again.

     “Ashley?” Jeremy asked worriedly, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinched at his touch and got up hastily. Stumbling over various items on the floor, I ran up the steps, the food still in my mouth.

     I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. I then fell to my knees and leaned over the toilet bowl, feeling numb. I stuck a finger down my throat and gagged, causing the food I recently swallowed to come out.

     I continued to keep throwing up, my body feeling numb and lifeless. I could faintly hear some pounding on the door, but I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t move my arms and legs…it was like I was stuck to the ground.

     I rolled over and pressed my back against the wall, taking in deep breaths to clear my head. Slowly, my senses started coming back, and I heaved myself off the ground to the sink.

     I rinsed my mouth out since it tasted like shit, and flushed the toilet, watching all those greasy foods getting flushed away. I looked up at myself in the mirror, and just stared. My face was much paler, and my eyes looked drowsy and dull.

     Looking at myself in the mirror made me feel depressed, so I walked to the door and opened it slowly. Glancing down the hallway, I realized no one was there, so I walked out down the hallway. I needed some air to clear my mind.

     I grabbed my coat from behind the door and went downstairs. Jeremy was watching T.V. and his back was against me, so I snuck out quietly trying to avoid the floor from creaking. As I stepped out the front porch, a mild breeze brushed past me, causing me to snuggle into the coat more.

     I walked out further towards the trees, staring straight ahead of me.

     Thoughts were racing through my head. It wasn’t about Tyler though; it was when I was about 11. It was a week after Bianca’s death, and I was still on shut-down mode. I didn’t talk to anyone, and I barely noticed people gossiping and mocking me.

     They thought I was the one who pushed Bianca in front of the car.

     I was walking down the hallway of the middle school I went to, my head hung low and my long hair covering my face so that people don’t see my puffy red eyes from crying, or my swollen cheeks and red nose.