''I know that.'' He gets seated on the motorcycle, getting ready to leave way too early for his own liking – he needs to get away before the pastor rears his amusement, pushes him to a point where Phil's skin isn't able to contain it. ''But clearly, you don't.'' Phil runs an impure hand through dark, slick locks, and Dan starts to question whether he's actually strong enough for this kind of test or not. ''Otherwise you wouldn't be standing here,'' Phil informs him, the stabbing words of what Phil seems to know is truth making Dan bites his lips. ''Talking to me.'' Dan is decently confident in his faith, even to a point where he allows a humored laugh at Phil's comment to dance in the air between them.
''Love thy neighbor as thyself,'' Dan quotes in order to defend himself, earning a glimpse of something dangerous in Phil's eyes, before the man slips his helmet on and turns the key to the motorcycle. The tension between them breaks, as he leaves the pastor to battle between finding the whole situation mesmerizing or downright sickening.
''Therefore, beloved,
foreknowing these things,
be on your guard,
lest being also carried away
by the deceit of the lawless,
you fall from your own steadfastness.''
Peter 3:17
''You may now kiss the bride,'' Dan finishes off, the affection swirling in the newlywed's eyes reminding him exactly why he does this. As the groom places a soft kiss on the bride's lips, he feels his heart ache with want, solitude nearly strangling him. Dan believes that once in your life, just once, you will find a person who can completely turn your whole world around. To love someone is sharing sides of yourself, you earlier swore you would never show anyone, a beautiful, dangerous madness – to love someone is baring the very depths of your soul, taking the risks that follows, when you show that special person all your little imperfections, defects and flaws, blindly trusting that they'll stick around anyway. Love is vulnerability, certitude, yearning and tenderness, something the pair in front of him has, and something Dan isn't allowed to.
''Got a woman, Howell?'' The local sheriff asks after the ceremony, looking like he's had too many glasses of champagne, and Dan sighs deeply and thinks He's really testing him today. Dan once met a girl, he thought he could fall for, met a girl, he thought he could love. She had been a true delight, never failing to make him smile, a gentle soul who had the stars captured in her eyes. She would do anything for him, without hesitations. For a while, things worked out great between them, and Dan was almost convinced he could put a ring on her finger, that he could grow old with her, that he was cured. She had been perfect, a gift to this earth, every man of God could see that - but she hadn't been what he needed, what he craved for. She wasn't angry when he told her, left with a sad smile and hopes that Dan would persecute his dreams, something he couldn't promise her he would do. He tiredly rubs his forehead, before shooting the sheriff an exhausted look.
''I'm devoted to Him.'' It's only part of the truth, but the sheriff still beams at the holy statement.
''What's wrong with being gay, pastor?'' The young flower girl asks Dan a while after the couple has finished their first dance, eyes bright with innocence, still unaffected by the cruelty this world possesses. He sees an old reflection of himself in the unknowing irises, and wishes for the times where life was simple and kind. Her mother, standing a few feet away, shoots him a worried, uncomfortable glance, and Dan knows exactly what she wants him to say. Though every single aspect of his being refuses, stomach tied in thousands of knots, palms sweaty and heart beating at a pace way to fast, he's going to shatter her with judgemental words and old verses, spread an inhumane poison in her carefree heart. He watches the curiosity, the impeccable look grazing her youthful features, turn into disgust, turn into nausea, as he tells her what he's always been told himself.
Make Me Sin
Start from the beginning
