Ryden Oneshots

Cupid's Chokehold Is Stronger Than His Bow And Arrow

“I can’t believe I married you! You’re so stupid; you’re a worthless piece of shit, that’s what you are!”

Cupid hides behind a tree to better view this exchange, even though no one can see him.

“Yeah,” the husband starts, “well you’re nothing but a lousy whore! That’s right, you thought I didn’t know, but I do! You are having an affair on me with that fucking bald guy!”

Cupid hates this, he really does. So, he grabs one of his arrows and sets it up inside of his bow, aims, and then pauses for the right moment.

“What the hell are you talking about? I…”–Cupid shoots his arrow at the woman–“... I love you with all of my heart,” she says dreamily. The husband scoffs and rolls his eyes, prepared to yell some more at her.

“Oh yeah, well I…”–and Cupid sends another arrow stinging into the heart of the man–“... I love you too, honey.”

Cupid smirks as the married couple embraces each other in a hug.

“Mission: Accomplished!” Cupid yells, and then starts to break dance in the middle of the park. He’s lucky no one can see him or else he’d be one embarrassed man in a diaper.

“Take a look at my girlfriend, ‘cause…” Cupid brushes off his legs and answers his phone.

“Yes,” he says into the receiver.

“Good work, Cupe, I guess you won’t be fired after all.”

“Thank you, Mr. Wentz!” Cupid says excitedly to his boss. “I won’t let you down again, I promise!”

“Good, good, I will hold you to that. But I have another job for you,” Mr. Wentz says.

“Anything, boss,” Cupid is beaming now, happy that he is on Mr. Wentz’s good side and is getting another mission to handle.

“I want you to go to Palo Verde High School. There seems to be a couple that just doesn’t understand how right for each other they really are. You need to fix it, fast.”

“I’m heading there now, boss!” And with that, Mr. Wentz hangs up, and Cupid changes his direction.

“Palo Verde High School, here I come!” He sing-songs as he walks out of the park.

*

“Okay class,” the teacher starts, “Today I will be assigning you a lab partner and you will work on page 76 from your text book. Then, following the procedures, you will complete the lab. Any questions?”

“Yeah,” Brendon Urie raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. “Can we pick our own partners?”

“No, I said I’d be assigning the partners,” she smirks as several of the students groan. “Besides, I wouldn’t have you and Mr. Walker slacking off in the back corner.”

Brendon just rolls his eyes as the teacher starts to name off the pairs.

“Ryan, you’re with Brendon,” he hears the teacher say.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Brendon starts. “Mrs. Tuttle, I can’t be partnered with him,” Brendon sends a glance at his new lab partner, who sends him a glare. “We will definitely kill each other.”

“He’s right, Teach, for once in his pathetic life the kid is right,” Ryan says and some of the students laugh.

“Well, I’d rather be pathetic than a loser like you,” Brendon spits.

“Of course, because you’re stupid,” Ryan retorts, causing Brendon to glare and more of the students to laugh.

“Ok, ok,” the teacher intervenes. “That’s enough. The two of you, work on the lab in peace, please,” she says with distress. She turns away to rub her temples, mumbling something along the lines of not being paid enough to do this job, and plops down at her desk.