Title: The Winner Takes It All
Summary: It's Decaydance Stage-Gay Chicken. Let's play.
Length: One-shot (5 200 words)
Pairings: Everything and its grandma. Ryden heavy. Joncer, Peterick, Butcher/Siska, Tom/Bill, Gabe/Ryland, Pete/Mikey Way, Gerard/Frank, Gabe and Bill/everybody. Most of them are just for show, though.
Category: Cracky humour, levels out into romance towards the end.
Rating: PG-13 for swearing, dirty jokes and lots of kissing and groping.
Warnings: The Lovedance of the Cobra. With balloons. Beware.
Disclaimer: Not real. Do not own. Except for the Lovedance of the Cobra, which Gabe is totally free to borrow.
From redbrickrose's Unreliable Narrators:
Brendon has strange energy. It’s a constant intensity, but it’s not a lack of focus. He has an attention span. Sometimes when they’re in the studio he gets so wrapped up that he forgets to eat. He can play guitar hero for eight hours straight. (He doesn’t, anymore, and Ryan thinks he probably has Spencer to thank for that, but he can. Ryan’s seen it happen). So Brendon is intense; he has to be active all the time, has to have his tireless energy channeled into something, but he isn’t, actually, all that easy to distract.
Which is why Ryan’s life gets more difficult when Brendon decides that the new tour needs to be even more gay than Nothing Rhymes with Circus.
Ryan says, “shouldn’t we wait until the album is released before we worry about the tour?”
Brendon says, “hey, I was just asking.”
Jon says, “it’s Decaydance stage-gay chicken, Ryan. Brendon wants to win.”
Spencer says, “Is this a real game? And if so, can we take a vote? Because I’m not sure I want to play stage-gay chicken against Cobra Starship. Gabe’s kinda competitive.”
THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL
It all starts with a joke. From Patrick of all people. Just a stray comment of ‘Jesus, Pete, if you’re so determined to prove to everyone that you’re just as gay as Gabe, just call a competition and settle the score once and for all, okay? I’m sick of you slobbering all over my neck all the time.’ Joe sees the crazy glint light up Pete’s eyes as the idea takes hold of his mind and tries to shut Patrick up by clapping a hand over his mouth.
But by then, it’s already far too late.
***
“Okay, people, listen up! The rules are few and very simple. Rule number one: stage and public appearances only. No making of fake sex tapes and leaking them on to the Internet. Rule number two: points are awarded by the buzz you create. No screaming fangirls shouting their glee all over cyber space, no score, got it? Rule number three: the race ends with the tour. That’s all. Is everyone clear?”
It doesn’t stay simple. Of course it doesn’t. Instead, Pete and Bill begin to develop the scoring scale, creating a monstrosity of formulas that makes everyone who isn’t a nuclear physicist’s head ache. There are constants and variables and changing curves depending on when, where, in front of how many, and so on and on ad nauseam. There is also a scoring chart, proudly drawn by Pete on the main notice board in the Fall Out Boy tour bus, decorated with little stick figures for every member of every band. Stick-figure-Pete starts out with an arm around stick-figure-Patrick and a little heart over his head. The next time Ryan passes the board, the arm and heart are gone, and stick-figure-Pete has collapsed into a broken little pile of lines next to his bandmates, a disturbing red circle spreading out from under him.
Ryan makes a mental note not to piss off Patrick Stump in the next couple of days.
***
”So what’s our strategy?” Brendon asks as they’re sprawled on the beds in a generic hotel room, two days before the first set of the tour.
YOU ARE READING
Ryden Oneshots
FanfictionThere's quite a bit of smut so if you are uncomfortable, don't read this :) *!THERE IS A SECOND ONESHOT BOOK! *
