America the Unknown (United States of America #3)

Entry #4

I pray that you will forgive me Ms. Faustus.

I may not have known you long, but I could see that you truly cared about Miss Emily while you were alive. We never spoke much, but I admired you for your strength and loyalty, especially to Miss Emily. In fact, I am not sure if you even knew my name.

All I know is that you selected me to replace you as Miss Emily's head-maid, a title that many of us maids had been hoping to achieve for many years. We all adored Miss Emily, but you were always there for her, therefore you knew her better than any of us had. I hope you can forgive me when I say that I was jealous of you, since Miss Emily ordered all of us to have a good education, whether we are man or woman, and you got to help her with everything.

But now that I'm Miss Emily's head-maid, I am at a loss at what to do.

You may not have remembered, but I was the one who helped you write down the last entry in this diary of yours, listened as you told the story of the loss of Miss Emily's three children, the youngest who died in such a horrible way. I was also there to witness Miss Emily's pain as her children died, as she could do nothing to save her dear children, and even as I felt the same pain you felt as you watched this happen.

I understand better now Ms. Faustus, what has been going through your mind as you watched this happen to dear Miss Emily, a young girl who shouldn't have to be burdened with this. I have always dreamed of being a mother, but now I am scared that God will take away my children before they even have a chance to live.

I am also questioning God now. If he truly is as loving as the Bible says he is, as the church says he is, then why does he allow something like this to happen to people who do not deserve such pain?

But now that you are gone Ms. Faustus, I shall carry the burden of this knowledge for you, as the other servants do not wish to in fear of their own beliefs and minds. I know you would be disappointed, but I cannot find it in myself to spite them.

I know they are questioning the reasons behind these tragedies themselves.

But now, I am afraid Ms. Faustus that more tragedy has befallen Miss Emily. And to you, whoever finds this diary when you become either Miss Emily's head-maid or butler, this may hurt you, but I wish for you to listen.

I will start from the beginning. My name is Anna White, and I had been serving Miss Emily for about six years before Ms. Faustus died. Shortly after her death, and as I have mentioned before, I became Miss Emily's next head-maid, a title which I had kept for four years when this happened.

Ms. Faustus did not know of this, but after she passed away, Miss Emily had become pregnant once again, only this time, instead of the Spanish attempting to colonize once more, the French had come to colonize. Of course, Miss Emily was still in grief over the loss of Miss Neoma and Mr. Etu and Sol, and the fact that she was pregnant once more terrified her.

I remember that we all shared her fear. She had already lost three of her children, the eldest shortly after they were born and the youngest after we all assumed she could grow up. Being pregnant once more would mean that something was about to go wrong, and it was known that these lands were not the best areas to create colonies, especially after what had happened to the last three.

Even still, we all tried to make the best of it.

During all those months however, I never understood the true job that the head-maid had in the household, and Ms. Faustus had made it look so easy, so simple, but I was not her, and I never truly understood what being the head-maid meant until I became it.