Our love is too Black and White

Chapter 4 (part 1)

 A huge hole had formed in the middle of my chest, collecting all the dust of pain and jealousy to fill in the emptiness. I faded away each time Anna would speak about my Kristian.

However, I couldn’t look totally idle or withdrawn from the conversation, she doesn’t know anything about my encounter with Kristian, how is she supposed to know?

I looked at Anna with interest and approval, just to reassure her that I’m happy for her new romantic interest, when really it should be me talking about him not her.

I guess Mummy was entirely right, us coloured can’t mix with white people.

“Oh my gosh Shanti, you don’t understand, he is so fiiiiiiiiiit!” she squealed, she had the same feeling that I had, that same stomach feeling, the same increased heart rate and those sweaty palms. I envied her.

“like seriously, he could buy this whole beach, not like I’m interested in his money that’s a side thing  but he is just so FIT!” when she finished fantasizing about his dangerously good looks, she looked down at the yellow sand, thinking about his deep blue eyes and luscious blond locks that shine beautifully in the light.

She felt the same way as I did.

We continued to walk down the narrow beach path; the silence grew in the midst of us. I had nothing to say, I was filled with jealousy, envy and hate. I didn’t hate Anna but I hated him, why would he do this, was he trying to poke fun at me? I don’t know what he was doing but it didn’t give me the right impression of him.

 The warm summer breeze brushed past me, lifting off the mask of insecurity. Tears had slowly begun to fall from my eyes. I looked away from Anna, I felt like a fool.

“Yo!” I wiped my eyes with the back of hand, settling down my uncontrollable emotions.

Anna and I looked back at the calling, we shouldn’t have but we did anyway. That’s no way to address a person. As we stopped and looked back, we saw Jerome merge from the sandy hill.

“What do you want?” I asked him, already annoyed with everything that passed.

He smiled at me cheekily but when he had noticed Anna besides me with her brown bag and stacks of papers in hand his face dropped, as if to say “Why’s this broad walking with you Shanti?”

 “I’ll just leave you to it babes” Anna whispered making her own way up to the exit of the beach and onto the rows of white and yellow houses.

Jerome stepped closer towards me, watching me and watching her with the corner of his brown eyes.

“Can I help you?” I asked him

“You can help me by telling me why you’re with that chick” he raised his eyebrow and it was obvious, he didn’t like her not one bit.

“She’s a friend that is all, like that's any of your business” I replied back

He smiled though gesturing that he knew I was up to something with her. I don’t know. She wasn’t a guinea pig where I can use her for experiments. No.

I wanted her to be a part of my change towards the racist views around London...

However Jerome wanted to think otherwise about it, he stepped closer again with his nose only 1cm away from mine.

I felt uncomfortably comfortable though, like I belong there in front of him. As much of a jerk he may be he was a unique character though.

 “About our date tonight, you want me to still come pick you up?” he waited for me to reply, I gulped.