Ryden Oneshots

It's Not Repression, It's Denial

Spencer rolled his eyes. “They have been having sexual intercourse with each other for about as long as they have known each other,” he said, enunciating carefully.

“…What? No way.”

Spencer just gazed steadily back at Jon.

“No frickin’ way. I don’t believe you.”

He held his gaze for a few more seconds, and then pointedly turned away to flip open his Sidekick again.

“Huh. Well.” Jon hadn’t really considered that possibility. “Shit.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Get your fat ass off me, I can’t breathe!”

Brendon was laughing and pinning Ryan down, wriggling on top of him in the most obscene of ways. “Shut up, Ross. My ass isn’t fat. You know you love it.”

Ryan replied with something Jon couldn’t hear, and both of them ended up giggling madly, wriggling some more and making Jon sort of feel like a pervert for watching.

Well, they were just there on the couch in plain view for everyone, he told himself, trying to look away. God. How could he have ever thought that they weren’t hitting it every single night? It was so obvious.

“You guys are a really cute couple,” he announced, suddenly needing them to know that he knew. He didn’t want them to think that he was, like, slow in the head or something.

Spencer, who was just entering the room, froze in mid-step.

“What did you just say?” Ryan asked in his signature monotone, his wrists still clasped in Brendon’s hands.

“Um, that you guys are really…” Jon trailed off, because Spencer was making frantic NO NO NO!!! motions at him.

“Really what?”

Spencer jerked his finger across his throat, either indicating that he was going to kill himself or kill Jon. Jon wasn’t really sure. He didn’t see what suicide and/or homicide had to do with Ryan’s question, anyway, so he went ahead and said, “Really cute together?”

He wasn’t quite prepared for how the room suddenly dropped five degrees in temperature and became deathly still. Ryan’s and Brendon’s faces shut down, and they both stiffly exited the room without a word.

“What did I do?” Jon asked, truly bewildered. He backed away from Spencer a little, because he looked kind of like he was struggling against the urge to hit Jon in the mouth.

“We have this unspoken rule,” Spencer explained once the violent urge had somewhat subsided, “where no one’s allowed to refer to their affair as anything even remotely close to a romantic relationship. Breaking this rule is punishable by death by bitching. Mostly from Ryan.”

“What, and you couldn’t have warned me about this?”

“What the hell did you think this was?” Spencer repeated his finger-across-the-throat move. “I was telling you to cut it off right there!”

“Oh, is that what that means? Really?”

“Yes, Jon, really.”

“Oh,” he said again. He felt kind of dumb now, but he still wanted more answers. “Okay, so why aren’t we allowed to talk about their relationship?”

“Because they have issues, I guess.” Spencer shrugged. “How should I know? Maybe they’re scared of facing their sexuality.”

“Riiight. Because the frequent buttsex just screams hetero,” Jon said sceptically.