In The Dark

30. I miss him

"Nat!" I called out for my elder sister as soon as I entered through the double doors of the house.

I heard something but couldn't make out what she had said as I heard her shuffling down the stairs with Aiden hot on her tail. Both of them now stood in front of me staring at me expectantly, with arms crossed and raised eyebrows. I smiled wickedly and shrugged, "What if I told you I don't have what you're looking for?"

Natalie huffed and started, "Okay, first of all, I had already told you if you wouldn't bring a dozen cupcakes and a few brownies, I wouldn't hesitate to haul you back out the doors you entered through." Aiden frowned and continued, "And secondly, we can see the brown paper bag inside your bag and we can smell the delicious desserts from here."

I sighed and gave up, I dug into my bag for their packed dessert and rolled my eyes when two pair of hands snatched the bag from my hands even before it was fully out of my bag. The couple rushed into the kitchen with giddy smiles and I shook my head as I saw them go. They were a crazy couple.

I set my bag down on the sofa in the drawing room, took of my scarf and made my way towards the kitchen. As soon as I entered, I heard the two bickering over who gets the red velvet cupcake. I just sighed and leaned against the door frame witnessing their small argument, it was normal. Then the two of them blushed as their hands brushed against each other, they stared deep into each others' eyes and then cut the cupcake into half and fed it to each other, awe and love sinking into their eyes. A small smile graced my face as they continued glancing at each other, Aiden smiling and staring lovingly at Natalie, and her blushing profusely.

I felt my heart sinking seeing both of them giggling and laughing, and imagining myself and Ethan like this. My smile vanished as thoughts of his absence once again occupied my mind, making me feel sad all over again. Yes, I envied Natalie for finding her significant other and sharing so much love with him. I wasn't jealous because I couldn't see her happy or because I didn't want her with Aiden. But only because I couldn't have a blossoming relationship like she did. I couldn't bring myself to love anyone but Ethan and I didn't want to get over him just yet, he was still a fresh memory in my mind. I tried so hard not to feel angry looking at the happy couple in front of me because it made me feel selfish and horrible. I couldn't stand my sister's happiness because I wasn't successful in finding love. And the worst part was that I couldn't bring myself to stop feeling this way or move on from Ethan. I was almost desperate. My mind played various scenarios of how things would be if Ethan wouldn't have left, what it would have been like if I got to be with him. I wish I knew where he was, how he was and what was he doing. Did he still think about me? Did he move on? Is he okay?

My mind was fuzzy and uncertain with negative thoughts floating around. It wasn't just me feeling this way when I was around Natalie and Aiden, but even in the café, with couples visiting almost every hour. However, the longing of having him here with me was especially strong when I was with Natalie and Aiden or when I was alone. I fixed my gaze on the kitchen counter top and felt dullness seeping into me. I could my eyes burning and so, before I could shed any salty tears I rushed away, heading towards my room with Nat's voice calling after me. I slammed my room door shut and opened the sliding door leading to my balcony, occupying the bench outside. As the cold wind brushed my face, I let the water in my eyes free, causing my vision to blur. I didn't stop my tears, I didn't want to, I just let them flow down my cheeks, because I knew I couldn't contain my hurt anymore. I was hurting and I needed someone to comfort me. That someone was Ethan.

I heard my room door softly open and I heard a pair of light footsteps making their way to the balcony and taking a seat beside me. I hid my face behind the curtain of my hair, wiped my tears, as if hiding them now would make a difference and turned my head to the side meeting Natalie's worried eyes boring into mine. Wiping my tears didn't help, as some more of them slid down my cheek looking at my sister's concerned face. She hugged me to her chest and tried to calm me by running her fingers through my wavy brown hair as I continued to pour my emotions in the form of tears.

I could feel her becoming restless, not knowing the reason for my sudden breakdown therefore, feeling as though she could do nothing to make it better for me. "I miss him," I whispered, but somehow she managed to hear it and her comforting embraced tightened around me. "I miss him so much, Nat. All I want is to see him once and make sure he is okay," I continued as she rocked me back and forth silently, not knowing what to say. "I don't know what to do. I am reminded of him constantly and I can't stand it, because I want him but I can't have him. I lost him, Nat."

"I wish I could bring him back to me, but I don't know where he is. I miss him. I love him," I mumbled, my tears now completely at a stop but, my face still wet. "How could he do this to me? He left me, after all that we'd been through, he left me. I don't feel like living, not this way."

Nat pulled away and held my face in her palms as her thumbs wiped my tears from my face, "You love him, and I know that. We all know that because we can see it. I would've said he did the wrong thing leaving, he doesn't deserve you and that he doesn't love you, but we both know that'd be a lie. All of you were affected because of what happened months ago. You all needed a way to cope up, and I know you aren't mad at him for leaving without a trace because you respect his way of getting over it. And trust me when I say this, he is okay, he has to be. He has such a beautiful girl waiting for him here. And believe me, he will come back to you. Want to know why? Because he loves you back. I saw the way he looked at you, making sure you weren't injured, protecting you from unseen dangers and looking at you with love in his eyes. Everything will be okay soon, you just have to wait for it."

I stared into her brown eyes, "Really? He will be back?" She nodded and smiled, "Sooner than you think." And with that I buried my face into her shoulder, hidden from the world as I murmured a 'thank you'. She continue hugging me back and just kissed my forehead making me feel more at home than I ever could. At this moment, I was glad everything took place, if it didn't I wouldn't have found my amazing sister. I was thankful for her existence. Somehow, she made everything better, just by her presence around me. However, I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was her and Aiden that bought me this sudden sadness and that their display of affection is like a hard smack right in the face just because I can't have what she does and because my mind makes scenarios with Ethan whenever I see them so in love. I couldn't say that to her, because I knew she was too worried about me and I didn't want her to hold back because of me.