Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 11: Accepted

"I like you so much and I'm ready to accept you, just be honest with me."

His voice that was full of sincerity when he told me those words, I wonder if he'll keep it now that he knows what I am during the night - now that he knows that the 'innocent and pure' girl that he likes actually spends her night dancing and stripping for rich men to survive this cruel life. Can he really accept me?

I think not. In today's life, people tend to see more of your flaws than the good acts that you do or did and these little flaws affect the way of how they treat you and think of you. Everything just turns out to have an issue without people even understanding your point of view. People just come and judge you even if they aren't informed enough of what's behind the born issue which is stupid. It's stupid because they judge as if they're perfect when at times, those who judge are even worse than those who they are judging. It's sad to think that majority of people have this mindset.

But I'm hoping that he's not one of them. I hope he isn't.

The next morning, I returned to my old-self at school - the nerd Jiwon. Applying make up and making myself look sexy is now useless because he already knows.

Speaking of that...

Damn, he wouldn't tell that anyone won't he?! What if he does? What if he tells his friends about Iris' identity? Would they plan a gang bang? Oh God, I'm overthinking but I can't help it! For pete's sake they are all known for being fuck boys and I don't know them enough to think that they're not actually going to plan on pouncing on me once they find out!

It's not that I'm being full of myself but I've heard them several times already about their desires to lay me - to lay Iris.

"Dawon-ah! You forgot your lunch box!" I shouted, calling my brother. He turned around and took his lunch box in the table. "Oops," he said cutely. "By the way, thanks for answering my homework, noona, and for the explanation."

I smiled and patted his head. "No problem."

After making sure that the apartment was fine to be left, I locked the door and walked to the bus station to get to university.

A familiar black car passed by and I bit my lip. It's Jimin's car. I actually miss him being all initiative on bringing me to school and why the hell am I thinking of him again? Geez, Jiwon, stop! For sure he'll just treat you as a stranger from now on. You're a cheap, filthy hoe in his eyes now, how can he like you?

Days passed by without Jimin having a word with me. I see him but he never looks at me or avoids my eyes  like before when I caught him looking at me and he then avoided my gazes when I saw him staring.

I smiled bitterly after seeing him from afar. I guess it's really over. I knew he cannot accept a person like me. He's just like the others. I was right. I'm now again a stranger to him. I guess I was born to be alone, without any friends.

All human deserves happiness but happiness is really just based on our views in life. If one sees more of the bitter part of life, they end up becoming miserable and depressed. I may not have any friends with me nor my parents to support me, but I am happy that I still have Dawon and he is my only family. He may not know what I really do for us to fulfill our financial needs, I'm still happy to see him growing well. He is my motivation to live and fight in this world.

I have an hour and a half before my next class and I decided to eat my lunch under the tree located at the soccer field of the university as I read 'Faceless' by Alyssa Sheinmel which is a story of a girl who burned her face while jogging in one rainy morning and had a face transplant. I only have a tuna sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes and a can of pineapple juice for lunch.